Things I've Learned in 2013

1. I DO spit on the mirror! I had no idea.

2. Peeing in the snow while hiking is much more fun than peeing in the dirt while hiking. There's no splashing and you can plug the little hole your pee stream melted with your tp. Place a little snow on top and finito! Fun. 

3. Thailand is called the Land of Smiles

4. Bathrooms in Thailand usually don't provide soap, toilet paper, or running water.

5. To flush a non flushing toilet, simply pour a bucket of water directly into the bowl and watch the contents be forced down the pipes.

6. There have been tons of radioactive water spilling into the Pacific Ocean since March of 2011.

7. Bandanna has a double n. (Thanks Jess.) 

8. Yoga is great in so many ways and I am an idiot for not trying it earlier in my life. 

9. A 5th grader taught me how to ask, "What is your name?" In Hindi

10. I can say thank you and hello in Thai. 

11. Matt and Julie have seen every funny YouTube video. 

12. How to flip my classroom successfully.

13. How light painting with my Cannon works

14. Willow Rd. In Somerset has more wildlife than Acadia National Park

15. I know what the fox says. 

16. The Lost Boys from Peter Pan live on the island of Koh Phi Phi, Thailand. I found them. 

17. Scorpions taste like plastic bacon.

18. The stench of durian fruit is unforgettable and nauseating. 

19. When presented with the option to either rent a moped or rent a quad while vacationing in a foreign country, choose a quad. Always. 

20. Zip lining is thrilling. 

21. I like quail eggs

22. I can run a half marathon in less than 2 and a half hours. However, the act of walking the next day is quite a challenge. 

23. Cross country skiing is hard for me and I spent a lot of time on my ass. 

24. Coca Cola and a veggie sandwich make a significant difference when you have a case of Bangkok Belly. 

25. It takes Jorj and I 13 minutes to pitch my tent. It probably would have taken less time if I accepted his help offer sooner. 

26. I was not cut out for horseback riding. #DangHorse

27. Bathing in the Gulf of Thailand with a bar of soap results in a cleaner feeling than showering in Bottle Beach 2 Resort's shower. Maybe it was the brown water...#KohPanang

28. Always check the course elevation when deciding which half marathon to run. 

29. I keep the following items in all of my bags, backpacks, and purses: Chapstick, gum, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, a pen, matches, and a tampon.

30. Life is a chess game.

31. My chess game could use some improvement. 

32. Leaning into turns helps my snowboarding skills. 

33. I lived under a rock until I was 22.

Rent a Quad...Always

Motorbike take 1 Friday, July 19th
Koh Tao, Thailand

Marisa and I started our day with a Kashi bar and some peanut butter to prepare for a run. We hadn't been exercising much since we were trying to survive in Thailand and were very excited to lace up our running sneakers and hit the island roads. We mapped out a course and told Dickie and Jasmine, we'd meet them in the hotel lobby after around 10:15.
We stuck to the main road and which turned out to be infested with hills. These hills felt like the Palisades half marathon all over again except in the jungle and on an island, I thought to myself. Despite the hilly terrain and thick air, it felt great to be running again. We spotted a yoga studio, checked the schedule, and decided to take a 2-hour class tomorrow. After about 15 minutes, we started to take walking breaks. Marisa had a cramp and I welcomed the chance to slow my pace to a brisk walk. To the left, you could see the ocean through the bungalows scattered about and to the right were homes of the local Thai people, businesses, and piles of garbage. One particular location was a heap of cans and bottles which I coined the recycling center even though I was positive the trash had been sitting there for a really long time.

As we moved along, we spotted a pumpless "gas station" which was shelves sitting near the road holding glass bottles filled with gasoline. The Thai are very simple people.


Once 20 minutes had passed we approached the part of the road where garbage dumps seemed to line either side of the road and it smelled a little like Bangkok, so we decided to turn around. We continued to run/walk back to our hotel, sweat soaking our shirts. l looked forward to a shower.

Dickie and Jasmine had already rented a scooter to explore other parts of the island including Tanote Bay, who my friend Patty recommended for cliff jumping. Marisa agreed to drive the scooter since I was terrified of being on a motorbike and especially terrified of being the driver of one. Thailand is like England where they drive on the opposite side of the road than us.

From the hotel, Jasmine and I walked the beach route while Dickie and Marisa rode the motorbike to the rental shop. My hands were shaking and I felt jittery from the workout and lack of food in my stomach. The 1/2 Kashi bar and 1/2 pod of Jiff had expired long ago and I needed calories, immediately! Across from the rental shop was a small stand outside of a 7 11 where a woman was selling pancakes (crepes) and sandwiches. The egg and cheese caught my eye and Jasmine and I ordered 2. I was super excited to eat!
CRASH! "Ooohh!" a chorus of Thai taxi drivers and tourists sang out. They were all staring uphill toward the street. Jasmine and I turned our heads and saw a girl in the middle of the road pulling a twisted motorbike off the ground. As I  looked more closely, I recognized the light blue shorts. "Oh-no! It's Marisa!" we chanted in unison. I mashed my money into Jasmine's hand and quickly scurried up the hill knowing that I should be heading in the opposite direction toward the 7 11 for medical supplies. I had seen pretty bad scratches on her knees and could only imagine what other injuries had occurred. When I finally reached Marisa and Rich, she was bleeding from the knees and I asked if she was okay.
She seemed to be a little shaken up, so I went back down the hill determined to try my best at identifying medical supplies in the convenience store as fast as possible. Every bottle and box was labeled in Thai! Uh-oh. A large bottle of water, band-aids, gauze wrap, tape, and alcohol were the items I scrounged up.
Marisa was standing opposite the desk of the store owner with a waterfall of blood dripping down one leg into her Birkenstocks and a very serious look on her face. My first thought was to whip out my Canon and take a photo, but I thought she might punch me. Instead, I knelt down & decided to take out the items I picked up. "He's going to charge me a lot of money," Marisa claimed regretfully. She had tried to start the bike on a hill and turn in the opposite direction at the same time. Oops.

Marisa's knee days later... 

For the next ten minutes, Rich helped Marisa talk the owner down from 8,700 Baht to about 6,000 Baht ($180) as payment for damages and she cleaned out her cuts. 
We rented a quad instead and I drove it behind Rich and Jasmine on a scooter to Tanote Bay.
The very next day, on their last jaunt before returning their motorbike, Rich and Jasmine crashed their motorbike as well. Jasmine's foot folded up like a taco and Rich's knees and feet were scraped up. 

Jasmine's Dead Foot
  

Koh Tao took their money, skin, and the Mosquitoes feasted on all of us. We all escaped with our lives and looked forward to accident-free adventures in Koh Phangan.

Lesson learned: rent a quad...always.

Tiger Temple Torture...Thai Style

Day 3 in Krabi, Thailand
Friday, July 26th
Tiger Temple

The Entrance To Tiger Temple
Krabi, Thailand

I am writing this story while fighting the urge to wretch all over my new iPhone 5. When the horseback riding trip was over, our driver piled us into a van to take part in the next excursion of our package, Tiger Temple. We all agreed that we'd stop for a bite to eat before climbing the 1,237 steps to the top of the temple. Our good ole driver referred us to a vendor just outside the temple which was strangely absent of tourists besides us. The eatery looked like an abandoned carnival. A woman gave us menus and we ordered. Jasmine warned us that the sanitary conditions were way under par so she had the woman make her fresh eggs and white rice. Despite this advice, Rich, Marisa and I ordered Pad Thai, Rice with Vegetables and some kind of spicy chicken on the bone with bananas for Rich. (I could vomit just thinking about these dishes). Rich abandoned his meal claiming that it was too spicy, so Marisa and I sampled some. It had some heat in it and the flavor complemented our meals, so we took spoonful after spoonful of it. I definitely took the most. Big mistake. We drank water which came in a bottle similar to the one you would find rubbing alcohol, except this one, was round. After paying for our super cheap and soon to be a disastrous meal, we proceeded to the staircase of Tiger Temple. We somehow lost Rich and Jasmine and guessed it was the troupe of monkeys that caught their eye on the way over. We were also thinking that we might as well start climbing because with Jasmine's dead foot and Rich's low hemoglobin level, they probably won't make it to the top. Marisa and I started the steep climb. Some staircases were steeper than others and the banisters served as step counters from one staircase to the next which I liked. After about 600 steps, I realized that people on their way down were not rude, they just don't follow "stay to the right rule." In fact, I was the rude one, because here in Asia, the rule is "stay to the left." Duh! We continued to climb with a few breaks in between staircases. We passed a Canadian woman who told us that we should attack the steps at a slower speed. We quickly ignored her advice and resumed our climb. I dropped behind Marisa (as usual) and she made it to the top a few minutes before me. The view was spectacular! The giant golden Buddha shining in the sun was gazing out at the flat green land below. Behind the Buddha, was a beautiful array of green mountains. We took photos, enjoyed the view, and started to make our way down.  About three steps down, I recognized someone. "No way!" I shouted. It was Rich in his white t-shirt with a sweaty towel draped around his neck. "I didn't think you were going to make it, Rich! Wow. Nicely done!" I exclaimed. I couldn't believe how wrong I was about his ability to climb. "Jasmine is right behind me. She is throwing up to make herself lighter so its easier to climb." Rich explained. I wondered if he was kidding. As he finished speaking, Jasmine threw herself over the nearest railing and began vomiting.  Oh man, I thought. He wasn't kidding.  

Notice Jasmine and her dead foot at the bottom of the steps.

I headed back up to take photos for them since they were lacking a camera. Jasmine threw up some more and Rich cracked some jokes about serving her plates of sausage that have been sitting in the sun for weeks. 

This photo captures the reaction to Rich's plate of sausage joke. 

 Marisa and I laughed, not knowing that the poison was flowing through us too.
On the way down, Rich and I fed the monkeys some bananas and took photos. It was scary, but fun. Covered in sweat, we reached our driver who loaded us into his van and brought us to the last leg of our tour, The Night Market.
Jasmine began to whimper with nausea, but she didn't want to skip the night market. "I pick you up 9:30 there," our driver told us as be pointed to a sign that read Winner. I was thinking 3 hours at a night market is a long time for a person who doesn't like to shop. Plus, Jasmine was 't feeling well, so we should have asked for an earlier pick up, but nobody spoke up.
The night market was situated on a long street lined with vendors selling food, clothing, drinks, weapons, and jewelry. For Jasmine, the scents of grilled meats mixed with spice was too powerful for her to take in her condition and she vomited through her fingers in a corner while Marisa, Rich and I sampled some of the street food. We tried grilled octopus, vegetable spring rolls (made right before our eyes), grapes, and quail eggs.      Each taste was great except for the octopus because it was cold and chewy. Blah. We made our way down the right side of the street, around a bend and back down the left side of the street. That's when we decided it was time to get our own transportation back to Ao Nang because our driver would 't be back for another 2 and a half hours. We found Jasmine laying on a bench across the street wearing a tie died I love Krabi tank top holding her stomach.

Rich and I spoke to a cab driver (which is really a Thai dude with a pickup truck who piles people into its canopied bed) who said it would be 300 Baht each to drive us. We rounded everyone up, piled into the truck taxi and Jasmine folded herself into Rich, clearly ill. With exhaust fumes filling my nostrils, I was amazed that Jasmine didn't vomit all over the 3 of us and 4 other tourists who hopped on for a ride.
Upon our return to Vasana Bungalows, Rich, Marisa, and I showered, dressed our wounds from the past few days, and asked the couple who owned the joint for dinner advice.  
They suggested an Italian restaurant not far down the main road. Since Rich was still recovering from his horseback ass chaffing, he ordered a tuk-tuk.
This was our first ride in a side saddle tuk-tuk and we sat trying to keep our dresses from flying up as our driver asked if we wanted him to take us to Koh Pangan or if Rich wanted to sit with him in the driver's seat. He was quite a character.
 La Casa's dinner of wine, pizza, bread, and salad was pleasant. Next, we went for a walk down a street where Rich and Jasmine had partied with ladyboys a few nights ago. One ladyboy remembered him so he bought her a shot of tequila and asked her to climb the pole.  

Pole Climbing Ladyboy

She agreed and her/his swift climb was quite impressive. I ordered a Chang, Rich ordered a Jack and Coke and I beat him at connect 4 which was lying on our table. I felt too full to drink the Chang so I took super small sips and then eventually gave it to Rich. We left, walked back to our bungalow, and went to sleep hoping Jasmine was doing better.
At about 2am, I woke up to use the toilet, felt my way through the mosquito net, and realized that I didn't feel right. When I opened the door to exit the bathroom, Marisa was approaching with a concerned look on her face. "I feel sick," she stated as she closed the bathroom door. "Me too," I muttered as I realized we both probably had what Jasmine had. I also realized something else. I was about to projectile vomit and Marisa was in the bathroom already throwing her guts up. $!#*, I thought. Outside. Mosquitoes. Towel. Faster. Go.
I perched myself on the porch's bench, wrapped the white towel around myself, leaned over the back of the bench and let the spicy Thai lunch, street food samples and Italian dinner with wine loose. This continued for about 10 minutes before I went inside hoping it was over. I was so wrong. How could I be so stupid to eat at the shady looking Tiger Temple especially after Jasmine's warning? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I knew that was the meal that did us in and it must have hit Jasmine faster than us. She had a much more mild case, but Marisa and I definitely had a severe case of food poisoning.
Throughout the rest of the night, I continued to vomit in the toilet, checking on my way out of the maze of a mosquito net to make sure Marisa didn't vomit in her sleep because she wasn't getting up anymore.  I switched back and forth between chills and sweating so profusely that my entire chest and face were covered in beads of sweat. Why did I drink that last glass of wine? Why did I take spoonful after spoonful of that wretched food? I stated at my pathetic self in the mirror, rinsed my mouth and face and wondered if I should bother going back to bed. I knew I'd be back soon. If I were home, I would have just laid down on the floor. Puggle would have cuddled with me and I wouldn't be afraid of the blood-red centipede I kept spotting on the bathroom wall, crawling on my toes while I heave into the bowl. Thankfully, I was not at our beach bungalow in Koh Phangan. The bathroom situation there was a nightmare. This was not great but could be so, so much better.
After a night I thought it would never end, I finally stopped vomiting and got some sleep. We spent the entire day in bungalow 1.

I was still nauseous and Rich went to 7 11 to pick up some supplies. He returned with the following items: baby wipes, bananas, a novel (written in Thai), 4 bottles of Gatorade, dog food, maxi pads, face masks, and a loaf of bread. Interesting choices, but he was our hero.