Funny Moments of 2020

Funny Moments of 2020

It is great to have had some laughable moments despite the chaos of 2020. 

 Is Jersey a language? “Yo! Fucking relax!”

JF

I have the advantage of being a hypochondriac. I was born for this. 

Caitlin on the Coronavirus 4-14-20

The moon is waning. 

That’s how Barbara Walters tells the weather,  “It’s waning.” ☔️ 

If you built a teepee out of toilet paper, would it be called a TP Teepee? 

If you open both a gun shop & a Chinese food restaurant in Walla Walla Washington, it could be called: Ting tang walla walla bang bang?

BB Meets Dosey Doe: SD 2020

You got a sunburn today

That’s from all them presidents staring at me.

So, we are required to wear face shields next school year. 

L.T. 6-16-20

Let the bitch get COVID. I don’t care. 

7-7-20 NC

Kelly: Let’s have a baby!

Katie: And you are quitting your job. 

Kelly: Yes, it is perfect. 

Katie: I just bought a Play Station. 

8-23-20

When FL washes away to sea I am going to go to Georgia and clap.

C.D. 9-16-20. 

The potato and carrots get mushy in a crock pot...But with the Insta pot, the integrity of your potato remains. 9-27-20 H.H

No, Kelly. We are not renting a goat. 

Katie 9-29-20 

I licked the whole yoga block. I licked the package and waited two months and expected to die. 

C.D. 9-30-20

Ed: I just found grapes in my pocket. 

My mom: Ed, that’s my coat. 

Ed: What the heck is going on? 

My Mom: Ed, they were cough drops.

Kelly taught me how to use a protractor last night. I don’t know short and long vowels, but I am ready for fourth-grade math. 10-17-20 Jackie

Teaching is so stressful I can’t wait to get pregnant so I could take a leave of absence. NA 10-26-20

You’re strong as hell but part of you is a dingbat! 

Penny 

Haha

"Take ya hat off maybe you’ll hear betta."

Sal’s mom to Linz October 2020

Kel, look at this rock!

Mom, that looks like a beach fetus. 

Jersey Shore 2020

Camping in October 2020 

Ed, you look bombed. You had two beers and a bloody Mary. 

Cin,  it doesn’t count if someone hands you an open beer. It doesn’t count. 

Remember that time we lived alone with each other? You were not around so often that I got scared when I realize you were behind me.

11-12-20 Me about when Katie had COVID

Funny Moments From the Diem Team

My sister, Jackie has three adorable littles, Brooklyn (6), Hunter, and Cole (4-twins).  These moments are from texts she sent me in 2020. Clearly, they are getting to know their bodies. I am not sure if the emoji's Jackie put after each one will translate, but most of them are looks of shock, horror, and what the hell should I say to that?! Thank you for always sharing these moments with me, Jacko!

Brooklyn was on the potty before and said it burned when she peed so I threw her in the tub/shower and washed her butt. Now, three hours later, she turns and looks at me and says, "Mommy, I know why my butt was hurting.” I said, "Why B?" She goes, “Because the other day I tucked my underwear up there." “Brooklyn why would you do that?” “Because I wanted it to be like yours.”

Brooklyn sat down by Tucker (dog) on the couch. He was sitting up.  She hopped down confused and asks,  “Why does he have that pointy thing sticking out?” I pretended to do something else so Fred (husband) could answer. 

“It's just something he has B.” 

“But daddy you should know why. Don’t you have one too? You have a wiener.”  

“Mommy, so your poop comes out the back and the pee comes out the front.”

“Yes, Brooklyn”

“Okay. So boys pee comes out their wiener.”

“Correct, just like us girls, but we don’t have a wiener.”

“Okay. So pee comes out the front poop comes out the back just like us, but what are those little things that hang in the middle?”

😳

1-12-20

Hunter was trying on his new underwear and continued to dig in the front hole. Brooklyn goes, "Mommy. What is that?” I said, It’s a hidden pocket for his weiner in case he has to take it out to pee. She goes “Wow! That’s so cool!”

Boys got a new bus company, new bus new drivers (😭 I loved the other drivers) so Fred and I got them off the bus today and asked them how they like the new bus. Cole goes, “No me like that new bus! It’s too fast, SLOW DOWN!”  

Apparently, the driver and I have to have a chat tomorrow morning lol

1-27-20

Brooklyn comes into my room and says, "Bye mommy. I’m going to Colorado for a couple hours.”

1-29-20

“Mommy, why do boys have weiners and girls have vaginas?”

Me running out of ways to explain this for the 500th time...“Because you need both to make a baby.”

“So do they kiss or something?”

😳

Also questioned nipples, she said only the boys have them. I told her to look down and she said oh I have them to why!? I told her that after she has a baby, milk comes out. 5 minutes later she said to Fred, “ I don’t want to have a baby.” 

“Why B? You don’t have to.” 

“Because I don’t want milk to come out of my nipples.” 

I thought he was going to lose it lol lol 😂

“Mommy, I don’t want to brush my hair.”

“Ok then I’ll just leave the knots in and you can grow dreadlocks.”

“What are dreadlocks?”

“Almost like all knots that you would have to cut to get out then you’ll be bald.”

“ I don’t want to be bald!!”

“I wish I was because I don’t have good hair anymore.”

“No mommy! I love you hair. I don’t want you to be bald”

“I’m not going to B. I was just saying”

“Mommy, do you wish you were a boy then?”

“No, B I like being a girl.”

“Me too, Because I wouldn’t want to hold it down.”

4-21-20

Before Camping

Ed (grandpa): Brooklyn you’re going to have to show me the ropes. 

Brooklyn: Grandpa, there’s no ropes. 

First day back for in-person learning 12-7-20 (Pre-K)

I warned Brookie to put Hunter by the window on the bus so he would have to get past Cole AND her to run out. lol

“He’s going to run out?!?” - Brooklyn

Today all the kids got on the bus happily. I was all excited and then I got the call from Hunter’s teacher. She told me he was upset and crying but then she found a new box of toys in the closet. She let him help her unwrap it so now he’s all good. She said while he was upset Cole said to him, “Change your attitude, Hunter." LOL

12-8-20

Things I Have Learned in 2020

 Things I Have Learned in 2020

What a crazy, unpredictable year filled with unknowns and dramatic realizations. This year's list includes many inspirational quotes found in books I've read. I hope you find meaning in reading them too. 

1. A baby platypus is called a puggle. 

2. Losing a pet absolutely heartbreaking. Appreciate your furry friend and the unconditional love they give you each and every day.

3. Box Tops went digital

4. Googol- a large number- 1 with 100 zeros after it

5. In Zheng Jiawan Village, a valley in China, students climb 17 ladders to get up a mountain to attend school. The ladders stretch up a cliff that is taller than the tallest building in the USA. 

6. Lariat is the name of the rope and lasso is the verb. Thanks, Kim. 

7. I need more black olives in my life. 

8. Parsley is NOT cilantro, Kelly. I caught the mistake too late and 1/2 of the bunch was already in my salsa. Thank goodness it wasn’t a batch I was selling. 

9. Colorado Natives are expert nose pickers.  

10. The Life Straw and other water filter action devices do not filter out viruses like the Norovirus. I will possibly exchange my water filter for a water purifier.  Maybe not.

11. Katie cuts the crusts off of Uncrustables. Exhibit A:

12. Australia began as a prison colony. 

13. The pilgrims were EXILES. They were the losers of the English Civil War.

14. Peet’s Coffee Sucks

15. Tossing 2 peppermint Altoids in one’s mouth while wearing a face mask will sting your eyes when you start talking. Haha

16. NJ breweries aren’t allowed to have music or food

17. Mosquito Spraying trucks used to exist. After some research, I found out they still do. 

18. My mother is secretly collecting our family’s DNA. 

19. Adding lemon to mushrooms makes them easier to digest and doesn't screw up your stomach for the next few days. ;o) Thanks, Erik. 

20.  Don’t shake nutritional yeast onto your food while it is windy. It went right in my eyes and all over my shirt. 

21. Always bring at least one tarp when tent camping. You may have booked a campsite covered in bommy knockers. 

22. Always bring earplugs camping - roosters (whose mission in life it is to wake up the world one camper at a time), trains, sandhill cranes, leaves & sticks from falling trees hitting the tarp you didn’t forget will each disturb your slumber. 

23.  Secure your tarp for a storm by using more than the puny stakes that come with your tent

24. Progresso Vegetable Soup- best served with nutritional yeast & Kelly’s Ring O Fire Sea Salt (sodium party). Pour it back into the can and eat like a true wilderness woman. For some extra fun do the Evelyn Special and add extra noodles. 

25. The best way to eat a cupcake. Cut it in half and flip the top upside down so the icing is in the middle of the cupcake.  “It blew my mind. How come no one does that?” -Katie

26. Wearing glasses in a hot tub while it’s cold outside = Foggy

27.  The damn Coronavirus has long term effects.

28. A bodhisattva (in Mahayana Buddhism) is a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings.

29.  Bodhicitta is a spontaneous wish to attain enlightenment motivated by great compassion for all sentient beings, accompanied by a falling away of the attachment to the illusion of an inherently existing self.

30. Stop complaining about the people, jobs, or situations that make you miserable and find a way to change it or end it instead. 

31. When a person really desires something and puts action toward attaining it, the universe really does conspire to help achieve it. This is partially from The Alchemist and partially my life's experience.

32. Self-awareness is key to emotional intelligence.

33.  “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”― Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

34. “The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It’s the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid—all in the same moment. It’s showing up in our vulnerability and our courage, being both fierce and kind.” Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

35.  Eckhart Tolle is a genius and one of my gurus. “The past has no power over the present moment." ― Eckhart Tolle

36.  “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” ― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

37.  “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

38.  “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

39. “The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”― Thich Nhat Hanh

40. “If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not "washing the dishes to wash the dishes." What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either. While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus we are sucked away into the future -and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.”― Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Miracle of Mindfulness

41. Don’t let your life be a platform that is a bridge between the past and the future. -Eckhart Tolle

42. “When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with whom we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

43. The grocery stores a completely different place at night time on a Sunday than peak time during the week.

44. After camping for long periods of time, you really appreciate running water, hot showers, and clean, flushing toilets.

45. People shopping at the grocery store on Super Bowl Sunday...hilarious 

46.  Take the red pill.  

47. The soaker setting on a hose's nozzle- When or why would anyone ever need that setting? I call it the "what is up with this broken nozzle" setting. It should say broken nozzle or Soak the person holding the hose more like it- after researching- As soaker hoses don't spray, they enable the user to reduce water usage. There's no waste involved, as the water goes straight from the hose into your garden. Further, the slow oozing of the hose prevents runoff and erosion in the garden. Oh. 

48. Satsang- The band that found me. “My own path...my story is long...I was born into fear.  They’re telling us to be scared but all we ever are is free. I’m letting go of all the things that do not serve me." Hooked. 

49. Driving in NJ is comparable to playing golf and feeling the pressure of the group behind you waiting for your group to finish up. Play through...I don’t want that pressure. 

50. Pickling cucumbers are so much fun to grow, eat, and pickle.

51. I love gardening. This year, I learned how to grow, potatoes, lettuce, peppers, beets, tomatoes, cantaloupe, carrots, some herbs, zucchini, and marigolds.

52. Taking a dip in a river of cold water is cleansing.

53. Spending time alone in nature is healing for the soul.

54. "When you offer yourself freedom you offer freedom to all of your people." Glennon Doyle

55. Imitation meat like soy-based food is not good to bring on a camping trip. GROSS

56. I have a lot of fear inside.

57. The online Winter Solstice Festival this year was magical. https://theshiftnetwork.com/pre/40835

58. Goldbelly deliver$ food all over the U$A- thanks, Sharon! https://www.goldbelly.com/

59. The family restroom in  Des Moines, Iowa’s KOA Campground in Adel is heaven after roughing it for days.

60. Since I quit teaching, I have only missed it for one split second...while the lady in front of me at Starbucks paid with a teacher gift card...haha Now I have to pay for my grande house blend. I can handle that.

61. Jupiter and Saturn and of course the stars and moon are great companions for fall camping adventures.

62. Ground digger wasps sting at night...one got me while fireside in Indiana. I was so confused. I thought the pain I felt when I crossed my legs was a spider bite until I found the wasp on the ground and killed it.

63. Chicago Deep Dish pizza is delicious. Especially the caramelized black crust. However, I still prefer NY Style pizza.

64. When booking campsites online, "walk-up" means exactly that. You cannot drive your car to your site. You will possibly lug your gear down some stairs, down a narrow hiking trail, etc.

65. Double check your campsite before bed even though you love navigating in the dark or dim lighting because you may have left your trash hanging from the propane tank on your stove.

66. Dunewood Campground raccoons don't like yellow peppers.

67. Dunewood Campground raccoons do like gross tofu chicken.

68. The locals say the Southern tip of Lake Michigan near Beverly Shores is called the penis holen because things show up on the shore all the time, like dead bodies. That freaked me out.

69. Stay out of Gary, Indiana. Gary has one of the highest per capita crime rates in the nation.

70. I LOVE WEARING CHACOS! Teachers get a discount.

71. Quesadillas make great camping food. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

72. Tree trunks fascinate me

73. When camping from CO to NJ, the farther east you get the more bugs there are and the more difficult it is to start a fire.

74.  RVs are loud and obnoxious. They do allow for winter camping, so...

75. Colorado & Nebraska made starting fires feel easy. Haha Missouri was tough. Wet wood was delivered to my cabin. I used all of my firestarters, lighter fluid, and cardboard. The KOA there has cabin #4 with a mattress from heaven inside.

76. The Permanent Match gadget will turn your hand into a ball of fire. Be careful.

77. There is a museum under the arch in St. Louis, Missouri.

78. While typing in my journal in the bathtub, I can hear my elbows squeaking under the water.

79. Snickerdoodle cookie cakes exist. Insomia Cookies  Thank you, Katie. <3 

80. In Wyoming's Tetons, there is a ski resort called Grand Targhee Resort. The older people who ski there are nicknamed Targeezers. 

81. L.O.L. Surprise Dolls. What the hell? Hidden lingerie when you dunk them in water. This is disgusting. How can this be marketed for children!? An article about it. 

82. Millions of years later, during the last Ice Age, early humans migrated from Asia to the Americas by crossing the sea in boats. They didn't walk across a land bridge, as previously thought. Source

83. To address a different ecological crisis, scientists engineered plastic-eating "super-enzymes" that can break down bottles in days. The new solution comes from researchers at the Center for Enzyme Innovation in the UK and the National Renewable Energy Laboratory in Colorado. The enzymes break down a common type of plastic called polyethylene terephthalate (PET) — used in single-use bottles as well as clothing and carpets — into its chemical building blocks.

Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for 2021's learning experiences.