How Many Cats With Your Antibiotics?

August 8, 2013
Krabi and Koh Phi-Phi Thailand

Until I ate the food cooked at Tiger Temple, I had only heard about this terrible beast called food poisoning. It was categorized in my head alongside, kidney stones, childbirth, major surgery, and getting shot, all of which I had never experienced first hand. Now, I wouldn't wish food poisoning on my worst enemy. I also don't know if I have a worst enemy. Maybe Stephanie Atkins a.k.a. Evil. Yeah, it's Her. Anyway...

Only partially conquering the beast that is F.P., we departed the city of Krabi, on cushioned bench seats in the bed of a pickup truck. This truck's bed had a roof and I wished it didn't because the two English lesbians sitting across from me were chain-smoking. I also wished that Rich, Jasmine, and Marisa would emerge from their jungle bungalows and get in the truck already, so we can get to the port. I was sweating profusely, the air felt hot and thick, and as they lit up again, I fought the urge to give the lesbots the stink eye. I wasn't concerned with missing the boat because every mode of transportation we used on this journey so far (tuk-tuk, long-tail boat, ship, train, bus, taxi) was tardy.  The vomiting was gone, but the intense nausea was as present as the 45L backpack between my legs. Finally, as I thought the odor of leftover bananas from Rich's rescue remedies would cause me to vomit all over the owner of Vasana Bungalows, my traveling companions piled in. We waved goodbye to Vasana and the breeze moving through the bed of the old pickup felt refreshing. That nice woman had no idea how close I was to heaving all over her. 

Exhaust fumes, more cigarettes, bumps, tuk-tuks, and finally the port. Since I was a kid, my dad owned a boat. I never understood how or why people could be seasick...now I get it. Choosing to stay above deck instead of below was a good choice. Dr. Jasmine Ormaechea Pharmacia gave me some pills to swallow. I wanted to have more than a banana in my stomach, so I grabbed a slice of bread from the bag of life. Rich sat next to me and put his arm around me. It helped.

Notice the bandages on Rich's knees from the motorbike crash
and the scrapes from cliff diving at
Tanote Bay. 

 Human contact has an amazingly positive effect on me. Eating half of that slice of bread was harder than climbing the rock in Tanote Bay, where if I had slipped, I would certainly have fallen to my death. I never ate the other half of the slice because when I looked into my lap at the bag containing the remaining loaf, I noticed ants having a party inside. Without hesitation or a significant reaction, I weakly tossed all the bread we had in the garbage can next to me. I laid down on the white bench of the open deck and passed out. The boat was still docked. Late. 

When I woke up, Marisa was seated next to me reading and the Rich Jasmine duo was gone. She informed me about their plan to tie me to the railing due to my small size and their fear that I may fall overboard while sleeping. Those two, haha. The Andaman Sea was a beautiful color. We were heading to the location I was most excited about, Koh Phi Phi. Koh Phi Phi is where the movie, The Beach was filmed and I felt like death was coming for me. My mom had every right to be worried about me going to Thailand for a month. 

After finally arriving at Koh Phi Phi Don, we paid our 20 baht tax to get on the island and walked toward our beach bungalow. Walking felt good and I convinced myself that I could down a Snickers (a staple in our Thailand diet plan), so I did. I remembered our travel agent in Bangkok told us this bungalow would have air conditioning. Ask my roommate, Adam, I would go all summer in NJ without touching the air conditioner, but in the condition I was in, AC was a luxury I would sell my passport for. Once we realized Phi Phi Nice Resort was located on the beach of the marina next to the Phi Phi Hospital and our view was the back of the building in front of us which had a long crack oozing a brown foam-like substance, we were NOT happy about it. 

Jasmine would not tolerate the location and was determined to convince Maam to change our placement. I was as helpful as a truckload of chihuahuas. Naptime for me. I was sandwiched between the Bay of Bengal and the Andaman Sea, in the most beautiful place I have ever seen, and I was in an air-conditioned hotel room napping. After nearly coming to blows, so I was told, with the resort manager, Jasmine was able to get in touch with someone from Tiger Travel and make arrangements. The chain-smoking English lesbians reappeared and were equally unsatisfied, however, they didn't bring a blonde Argentinian with them. The next step was to venture across the island to find a more suitable place to stay and then call Tiger Travel back. 

Stupidly, I joined the quest for a better bungalow with Marisa and Jasmine. We were tipped off by a few scuba instructors. Eventually, after hiking (yes, hiking through the jungle to the other side of the island on a 45 min walk), Jasmine and Marisa's determination paid off when they found Paradise Pearl Resort. Cue angels singing. While they negotiated, I sat in the dark on the beach feeding the mosquitoes 32 and a half-year-old American blood. Geez, they walk fast. During the return trek through the main area of the island, the stench of Thai BBQ mixed with durian fruit reminded me that I was not better. I covered my nose with my grey bandanna, looked down and followed the long-legged ladies back to Phi Phi Nice Resort. Not so nice...actually. 

The next morning, we packed up, jumped in a long tail boat and headed across the island to the most beautiful beach I had ever seen. The weather was gorgeous and as soon as we checked in and dropped our packs in the room, we headed to the beach. About a half-hour later, I decided to fully embrace the paradise Jasmine fought so hard for by taking yet another nap.

I still felt nauseous and had "stomach issues" for 4 days, so I read about Bangkok Belly and dysentery in my Thailand book (thanks to Bob). Since I couldn't eat and could barely drink, I decided (with the push from friends at home...thanks Nick) to admit myself to the hospital. Rich flagged a water taxi and the 4 of us bypassed the nauseating odors of the main strip (thank God) and headed toward the hospital.

We walked into the hospital and Mother Jasmine explained my symptoms. I learned that I weigh 45 kg or 110 pounds. As I observed the surroundings, I noticed that this establishment didn't look much like a hospital at all. It was more like some sort of clinic where women go to get their nails done. They even had soap operas playing on the television. Anyway, the nurse asked me questions and measured my vitals. No fever. Next, she brought me into the emergency room (which was just a room full of medical supplies and a few beds). She took blood (gloveless), listened to my stomach (noisy), and gently inserted an IV into my left hand while Jasmine held my right hand (I still have the scar. Maybe I will show you sometime...for 10 baht). The blood results showed that my infection was minor, so she decided to give me fluids, antibiotics, electrolyte powder, and pills for stomach cramping and nausea. However, the drip would take about 4-5 hours. 

"Is she fine? Okay, good. Is there wifi?" Marisa questioned. I like to hope she was more concerned about my well-being than the wifi. I admit it was the best wifi we had all trip! Rich and Jasmine were talking loudly, asking the nurse questions and moving in and out of the room aggressively. At one point, Rich had his hand way to close to my IV and I recalled the story he told a few days ago where Jasmine accidentally ripped out his IV and blood was shooting everywhere. Crazy.

Eventually, I was placed in a quieter part of the nail salon and was given a bed. As the nurse led me, IV in tow, she removed 3 cats resting on the foot of my soon to be hospital bed's blanket/towel who must have come in through the open windows. Then, she tossed me mosquito repellent. Asia...

The look on my face must have prompted her to close all the windows near the bed. I wondered if I was getting Punked. 

Rich and Jasmine left for dinner and Marisa stayed behind with me. The best part of the hospital so far was the free wifi. No, there wasn't any air conditioning, but there were 2 adjustable fans nearby. I pulled my towel/blanket toward me in an effort to cover any exposed skin and settled into my bed with iPhone in hand. I told Jorj about my condition via Tango and asked him not to tell my family (Sorry guys, but I didn't want you to worry more.). A different woman came in with 3 pills for me to take and an orange powder for my drink. Asian Gatorade? One pill was for nausea, the other stomach cramping and the last was an antibiotic.

Marisa and I chatted for a bit, FaceTimed with Jorj and laughed at the bizarreness of the whole thing. 

Rich and Jasmine returned and brought Marisa a smoothie. They informed us that the windows around us are tinted on the inside so we can't see out, but people walking by on the streets can see in. Jasmine was so exhausted from her morning dive that she hopped into the bed next to me and went to sleep. Rich left for the Phi Phi equivalent of "Had Rin Beach," but promised to be back between 11 and 11:30. 

Ten minutes later, the biting began. Jasmine and her nebula bruise from her fall this morning "came to" and jumped out of bed wondering why all of a sudden she had 6 bites on one elbow. 

She thought maybe the cats had fleas or the mosquitoes were just super angry here. I gave her the magical Chinese lotion from Marisa's friend (thanks Angela) and it eased the irritation. Meanwhile, Marisa was also getting annihilated by insects and had to hop into the bed with me to cover any exposed skin. The little pests were actually buzzing in our ears!

Jasmine left us to see if we could move to a bugless room with air conditioning. "Pay more money," the nurse responded. So she asked another nurse and this one just said, "No." Jasmine followed her around while scratching her right elbow, persistently inquiring about an air-conditioned room. "She's going to get another disease just staying here. This place is hell on earth." Jasmine stated with frustration. Next, the nurse wandered over to my bedside and reached for my left arm as if she was going to remove the IV without warning. "Are you going to take it out?" I asked, puzzled because there was still about 1/4 of the solution left. She nodded her head, removed the IV (gloveless of course), placed a cotton ball and tape over the hole and walked away without uttering one word. 

"What can we steal?" Jasmine asked as she opened a drawer. She found a pile of napkins and jacked those along with a few bottles of water stashed in a corner. We left realizing that we just got kicked out of a Thai hospital for requesting air conditioning.

So...they like to get kicked out of places.

Now I was feeling a lot better and was super happy about that! Our next obstacle was to find Rich. Even though I was getting my groove back, I did not feel up for searching the crazy side of the island for Rich. Marisa and I told Jasmine it wasn't safe for her to search alone. After trying to think of the most logical way to solve this problem, we came to the conclusion that at 11:30, Rich will walk back to the Hospital, notice we aren't there and know that we MUST be back at Paradise Pearl. We didn't have any wifi, but I had a sharpie! We decided to write Rich a note on a white piece of styrofoam garbage laying on the walkway. Jasmine scribbled in blue ink: "Sorry Rich. We went home. Got kicked out of hospital. Come home."

 We didn't leave the note on the steps of the now-closed and locked hospital but propped against the side of a potted plant in the walkway knowing that he will pass it en route to Paradise Pearl. 

Yeah, our genius plan didn't work out the way we expected, but that is a story in itself. 

The fluids didn't their magic and I was back in business. I couldn't wait for an American breakfast the next morning! Finally, I could enjoy Koh Phi Phi!

Tiger Temple Torture...Thai Style

Day 3 in Krabi, Thailand
Friday, July 26th
Tiger Temple

The Entrance To Tiger Temple
Krabi, Thailand

I am writing this story while fighting the urge to wretch all over my new iPhone 5. When the horseback riding trip was over, our driver piled us into a van to take part in the next excursion of our package, Tiger Temple. We all agreed that we'd stop for a bite to eat before climbing the 1,237 steps to the top of the temple. Our good ole driver referred us to a vendor just outside the temple which was strangely absent of tourists besides us. The eatery looked like an abandoned carnival. A woman gave us menus and we ordered. Jasmine warned us that the sanitary conditions were way under par so she had the woman make her fresh eggs and white rice. Despite this advice, Rich, Marisa and I ordered Pad Thai, Rice with Vegetables and some kind of spicy chicken on the bone with bananas for Rich. (I could vomit just thinking about these dishes). Rich abandoned his meal claiming that it was too spicy, so Marisa and I sampled some. It had some heat in it and the flavor complemented our meals, so we took spoonful after spoonful of it. I definitely took the most. Big mistake. We drank water which came in a bottle similar to the one you would find rubbing alcohol, except this one, was round. After paying for our super cheap and soon to be a disastrous meal, we proceeded to the staircase of Tiger Temple. We somehow lost Rich and Jasmine and guessed it was the troupe of monkeys that caught their eye on the way over. We were also thinking that we might as well start climbing because with Jasmine's dead foot and Rich's low hemoglobin level, they probably won't make it to the top. Marisa and I started the steep climb. Some staircases were steeper than others and the banisters served as step counters from one staircase to the next which I liked. After about 600 steps, I realized that people on their way down were not rude, they just don't follow "stay to the right rule." In fact, I was the rude one, because here in Asia, the rule is "stay to the left." Duh! We continued to climb with a few breaks in between staircases. We passed a Canadian woman who told us that we should attack the steps at a slower speed. We quickly ignored her advice and resumed our climb. I dropped behind Marisa (as usual) and she made it to the top a few minutes before me. The view was spectacular! The giant golden Buddha shining in the sun was gazing out at the flat green land below. Behind the Buddha, was a beautiful array of green mountains. We took photos, enjoyed the view, and started to make our way down.  About three steps down, I recognized someone. "No way!" I shouted. It was Rich in his white t-shirt with a sweaty towel draped around his neck. "I didn't think you were going to make it, Rich! Wow. Nicely done!" I exclaimed. I couldn't believe how wrong I was about his ability to climb. "Jasmine is right behind me. She is throwing up to make herself lighter so its easier to climb." Rich explained. I wondered if he was kidding. As he finished speaking, Jasmine threw herself over the nearest railing and began vomiting.  Oh man, I thought. He wasn't kidding.  

Notice Jasmine and her dead foot at the bottom of the steps.

I headed back up to take photos for them since they were lacking a camera. Jasmine threw up some more and Rich cracked some jokes about serving her plates of sausage that have been sitting in the sun for weeks. 

This photo captures the reaction to Rich's plate of sausage joke. 

 Marisa and I laughed, not knowing that the poison was flowing through us too.
On the way down, Rich and I fed the monkeys some bananas and took photos. It was scary, but fun. Covered in sweat, we reached our driver who loaded us into his van and brought us to the last leg of our tour, The Night Market.
Jasmine began to whimper with nausea, but she didn't want to skip the night market. "I pick you up 9:30 there," our driver told us as be pointed to a sign that read Winner. I was thinking 3 hours at a night market is a long time for a person who doesn't like to shop. Plus, Jasmine was 't feeling well, so we should have asked for an earlier pick up, but nobody spoke up.
The night market was situated on a long street lined with vendors selling food, clothing, drinks, weapons, and jewelry. For Jasmine, the scents of grilled meats mixed with spice was too powerful for her to take in her condition and she vomited through her fingers in a corner while Marisa, Rich and I sampled some of the street food. We tried grilled octopus, vegetable spring rolls (made right before our eyes), grapes, and quail eggs.      Each taste was great except for the octopus because it was cold and chewy. Blah. We made our way down the right side of the street, around a bend and back down the left side of the street. That's when we decided it was time to get our own transportation back to Ao Nang because our driver would 't be back for another 2 and a half hours. We found Jasmine laying on a bench across the street wearing a tie died I love Krabi tank top holding her stomach.

Rich and I spoke to a cab driver (which is really a Thai dude with a pickup truck who piles people into its canopied bed) who said it would be 300 Baht each to drive us. We rounded everyone up, piled into the truck taxi and Jasmine folded herself into Rich, clearly ill. With exhaust fumes filling my nostrils, I was amazed that Jasmine didn't vomit all over the 3 of us and 4 other tourists who hopped on for a ride.
Upon our return to Vasana Bungalows, Rich, Marisa, and I showered, dressed our wounds from the past few days, and asked the couple who owned the joint for dinner advice.  
They suggested an Italian restaurant not far down the main road. Since Rich was still recovering from his horseback ass chaffing, he ordered a tuk-tuk.
This was our first ride in a side saddle tuk-tuk and we sat trying to keep our dresses from flying up as our driver asked if we wanted him to take us to Koh Pangan or if Rich wanted to sit with him in the driver's seat. He was quite a character.
 La Casa's dinner of wine, pizza, bread, and salad was pleasant. Next, we went for a walk down a street where Rich and Jasmine had partied with ladyboys a few nights ago. One ladyboy remembered him so he bought her a shot of tequila and asked her to climb the pole.  

Pole Climbing Ladyboy

She agreed and her/his swift climb was quite impressive. I ordered a Chang, Rich ordered a Jack and Coke and I beat him at connect 4 which was lying on our table. I felt too full to drink the Chang so I took super small sips and then eventually gave it to Rich. We left, walked back to our bungalow, and went to sleep hoping Jasmine was doing better.
At about 2am, I woke up to use the toilet, felt my way through the mosquito net, and realized that I didn't feel right. When I opened the door to exit the bathroom, Marisa was approaching with a concerned look on her face. "I feel sick," she stated as she closed the bathroom door. "Me too," I muttered as I realized we both probably had what Jasmine had. I also realized something else. I was about to projectile vomit and Marisa was in the bathroom already throwing her guts up. $!#*, I thought. Outside. Mosquitoes. Towel. Faster. Go.
I perched myself on the porch's bench, wrapped the white towel around myself, leaned over the back of the bench and let the spicy Thai lunch, street food samples and Italian dinner with wine loose. This continued for about 10 minutes before I went inside hoping it was over. I was so wrong. How could I be so stupid to eat at the shady looking Tiger Temple especially after Jasmine's warning? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I knew that was the meal that did us in and it must have hit Jasmine faster than us. She had a much more mild case, but Marisa and I definitely had a severe case of food poisoning.
Throughout the rest of the night, I continued to vomit in the toilet, checking on my way out of the maze of a mosquito net to make sure Marisa didn't vomit in her sleep because she wasn't getting up anymore.  I switched back and forth between chills and sweating so profusely that my entire chest and face were covered in beads of sweat. Why did I drink that last glass of wine? Why did I take spoonful after spoonful of that wretched food? I stated at my pathetic self in the mirror, rinsed my mouth and face and wondered if I should bother going back to bed. I knew I'd be back soon. If I were home, I would have just laid down on the floor. Puggle would have cuddled with me and I wouldn't be afraid of the blood-red centipede I kept spotting on the bathroom wall, crawling on my toes while I heave into the bowl. Thankfully, I was not at our beach bungalow in Koh Phangan. The bathroom situation there was a nightmare. This was not great but could be so, so much better.
After a night I thought it would never end, I finally stopped vomiting and got some sleep. We spent the entire day in bungalow 1.

I was still nauseous and Rich went to 7 11 to pick up some supplies. He returned with the following items: baby wipes, bananas, a novel (written in Thai), 4 bottles of Gatorade, dog food, maxi pads, face masks, and a loaf of bread. Interesting choices, but he was our hero.