It’s been about two years since I last published a blog post...turns out, my creative side went on a long vacation and forgot to leave a forwarding address. But this morning, as I sat on my deck sipping coffee and contemplating the sky like some caffeinated philosopher, a memory from last week popped into my head so vividly, it practically shouted, “Write me down!” So I did. And now I feel compelled to share it with you, in hopes it brings a smile, a chuckle, or at least a smirk. No matter where you’re from, I think you’ll find this little tale amusing. Probably.
I was cleaning a condo in Golden, Colorado, when I struck up a conversation with the dog sitter who was hanging out there. She mentioned she had just moved to Colorado from New Jersey about six months ago. Naturally, I perked up—because I moved to Colorado from Jersey too, though I’ve got a good head start (nine years this July 16th, not that I’m counting).
Being the generous, culturally responsible human I am, I did what any self-respecting former Jerseyite would do: I told her where to find the only bagels in the state worth risking disappointment for: Rosenberg’s in Five Points, obviously. Gotta look out for your people.
Then, as is tradition, I asked her the sacred question:
“Taylor Ham or pork roll?”
This usually unlocks an entire Jersey-flavored Pandora’s box: a fiery debate about what exit you’re from, some aggressive nostalgia about traffic, passionate arguments over whether Central Jersey exists (it does), and at least one side tangent about Italian delis (drool).
But this time?
She just looked at me and said, “Oh… I don’t know. I’m vegan.”
Vegan.
I was stunned. Speechless. Like someone had just unplugged the entire state of New Jersey in my brain.
The usual banter didn’t happen. There was no laughter, no fake insults, no dramatic reciting of the Garden State Parkway exits. Just me awkwardly fumbling for a follow-up, like:
“But… if you had to name that breakfast meat… what would you call it?”
She just shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I said, I’m vegan.”
And that was that. Conversation over. Jersey card revoked. I had nothing left to give. A New Jersey curveball in Colorado.
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