38 Things I Learned in 2018

2018 was a year of many things laughs, moving (of course), LOVE, and learning. Here are some of the things I learned in 2018.

1. Pro Tip: If you can't eat it, buy a candle flavored like it. -Keto Connect dude 

2. You know that your work pants are very comfortable when you almost leave the house for the gym and realize you were still wearing them.

3. I just read a sign on a McDonald’s. “If you can’t make it to us, we’ll bring it to you!” McDonald’s flippin delivers. #$5GetYourselfABigMac

4. I need to live in Denver. 

4.b. Dude you can borrow camping gear from the library. Beth

5. When you find crumbs on your shirt from the last slice of the Joey D's NJ pizza in your freezer, you do not brush them off...You EAT THEM. Every. Single. Crumb. 

NJ Pizza Wins

5.a. Always wait in book signing lines in CO. Nobody fights and the line moves wicked fast. #NiceSneaksDeepak

6. Sometimes you gotta turn her off to turn her on. R.T. 3-5-18

He was referring to the copy machine, you perverts. 

7. I got sunburned through my windshield on the way to Breck. The temperature was cold and the sun felt so warm on my face, so I didn’t use the sun visor in my car. Lesson learned.

8. Puggle is afraid of the wind. I found her hiding/somewhat stuck under my bed. Another reason I need to move. Crazy Lady doesn't close the sliding door in the kitchen. The wicked wind makes it look like the devil is breakdancing in the kitchen. 

9.  When driving around the Rockies in a snowstorm, leave your GPS on only so you know how many more terrifying minutes and miles it will be until you get to safety. Also, your GPS will help you read the street signs when they are covered in snow.

10. I lived with a person who is bipolar. She confused me every single day. Nothing she did made any sense.  Lesson learned: no bipolar roommates. 

11. Toothpick boxes are so damn secure until you open them. Then you got a bunch of little daggers falling everywhere. There’re on the floor, all over the inside of your cabinets when you move. When the hell will I ever need 800 round toothpicks? 1/2 the box gets dumped out accidentally and the other 1/2 minus the twenty toothpicks you actually bought the box for. 

Toothpicks are meant to be stolen.

12. While wandering the West Highlands neighborhood on a Sunday, you may stumble upon many Open Houses. Go inside. They offer mimosas, quiche, and LaCroix on ice. I felt like I was in a scene from I Love You, Man. 

13. Snookie wrote a book. Snookie from Jersey shore wrote a flippin book.

14. Breakfast burritos are not meant to be eaten while driving in the car on the way to work.

15. A psychologist in Africa thought of the idea to certify grandmothers in mental health so when families can’t afford the bus to get to get to his office they can go to their local grandmother for therapy and emotional support or focus on dealing with depression. 

16. Coloradans love horses so much.

17. People in CO have diving skills! Realization at the community pool in Ken Caryl

18. If I were ever homeless and in need of a shower and water, I would come to the Ken Caryl community pool.

19. When camping in Colorado, you do not have to walk far to begin scavenging for tiny little twigs and then larger sticks to start your fire. There’s so much wood all around you that the 10 foot radius around the fire provides more than enough kindling. I caught myself walking around the campsite and realized I didn’t have to go very far. This made me think of camping at Timberland Lake New Jersey and how scarce little sticks were. I love it here.

20. It is fun to throw dinner parties in the woods.

21. Strategic movement helps me solve jigsaw puzzles.

22. The intellectual dark web exists. 

23. My mother LOVES Macy’s. 

24. Always bring multiple sets of headphones on road trips and airplane rides. (USB and Aux cable variety-noise canceling is best)

25. Dear Palisades Peaches 🍑, I love you.

26. It’s a lot harder to keep tattoos hydrated in Colorado...seems like there isn’t enough Aquaphor in the world. 

27. Mirror is a fascinating word

28. Joe Foster doesn’t know how to loosen a bra strap. However, he is faster than any of my former roommates when it comes to installing my bra strap hiding gadget. Sorry, Adam. Thank you, mother. 

29. As of 9-19-18, there are no ginger emoji choices. Why doesn’t the blond with the ponytail emoji have a brunette option? I own the ponytail. May I suggest a messy bun emoji? 

30. I can not sleep well or fall back to sleep easily when I am cold.

31. 7 = the number of bounty paper towels I need to replace a bath towel when stepping out of the shower 10-11-18 1st night in CO Springs house & i forgot my towel.

32. Alexa Echo Plus kicks Echo’s 2nd Generation ass Research actual name of upgrade (dot?) mini Alexa and Alexa 

33. Tonight, I think I finally figured out how to keep a toothpick box from exploding. Give the know-it-all box a little shake while tilting it back to close securely. It only took me until age 37 3/4 to figure it out. 

34.  Drop a pin when you park and don't know where in the city of Denver you are. Sorry, Caitlin. I am still working on getting my city legs. 

35. I will consider eating a moldy maple candy for exactly 11 seconds before I bitch slap myself in the senses. Maybe a bitch slap is effective because if you slap a person hard enough, all 5 senses will be stimulated at once. You see the hand coming at ya. You definitely feel the crisp contact. We all know the sound of a slap. You could taste and smell the scent of blood. 

36. If you are ever hungover, jump on a cold Colorado Lake. You will be immediately cured. (KS)

37. The term ganja is derived from Sanskrit. 
38. I made #4 happen.