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Saturday, July 22, 2017

San Antonio Summer

     Watching birds interact and flowers grow is how I spent the majority of summer in 2016. Getting knocked out of my Birkenstocks by an SUV ensured a summer spent in slow motion. My injuries left me thinking, sitting, adjusting, journaling and doing more thinking. Luckily, I was living at my grandma's house, so the walls, stairs, and most importantly, the shower contained grab bars. Thank you, Grandma Josephine. 
     After she passed away in January of 2016, my mother helped me move from the basement to the main floor of her house. I would be leaving in a few months for my new life in Colorado. I had resigned from my teaching position after a decade, saved money, paid off my car, found an apartment in Littleton, and was hired as a 4th-grade teacher at STEM School and Academy in Highlands Ranch. My life seemed as if everything was falling into place. I had even started to wake up early and exercise BEFORE work! This had been a goal of mine for years and RWJ Wellness center was swiping me in at least 3x a week at 6am. I was feeling fantastic. 
     That feeling was knocked out of me by a driver not paying attention to where she was going on the evening of June 2nd. I suffered a bunch of firsts: broken bones, torn ligaments, sprains, and a black eye. I had planned to leave NJ for CO on July 19th. My life transitioned from "killin it" to lesson plan writing and physical therapy until the school year ended. Then it was just physical therapy and family and friend visits. When I started to feel a bit better, meaning that it only took me 30 minutes instead of 45 minutes to make breakfast, coffee, and get myself set up for the day on the porch swing in the back yard, I resumed Colorado preparation by paying the security deposit, scanning paperwork, signing forms, and communicating with my 4th-grade team. I would continue to make the move to Colorado as planned and make the necessary, expensive adjustments as needed. 
     When I found out the pain that wouldn't subside was caused by a tear in the labrum of my left hip, I was devastated. I had learned that if I had a labrum tear it would mean surgery. Surgery would mean another summer spent in slow motion. I wanted to maximize the 24 days that would be my summer break 2017. I decided on camping in Great Sand Dunes National Park and a road trip to San Antonio, Texas to visit my great Aunt Marion whose 100th birthday party I missed last July. 
     After an unforgettable experience in the Sand Dunes, I took a few days to recover. It was time to prepare for Texas. However, I couldn’t get in touch with Aunt Marion to announce my plan. What could she be doing? She could be volunteering, out with family or friends, or at church. If she is anything like her sister, Josephine (my grandma) she would hate to sit home. She would prefer to be around people. I tried calling again, but she didn't answer her phone. I began thinking maybe I shouldn't drive to visit her. I was being fitted for a hip brace any day now. A CPM machine was going to be dropped off. I was supposed to be waiting for phone calls, exercising, paying attention to my diet. I was torn, but had to decide fast. After a short, but clarifying talk with one of my roommates in the backyard, the answer was clear. I needed to go to Texas. 
     The next morning, I woke up (later than planned of course) and started driving toward Texas. While passing through New Mexico, I finally reached Aunt Marion's son Anthony by phone (thank you, Aunt Rose Marie) who I had never met (or was too young to remember meeting him). He told me that his mother had fallen down in the kitchen a few days prior and fractured her hip. She was staying in a rehab clinic to help recover from her partial hip replacement. I still wanted to visit her, so he told me to call him when I arrived the next morning. Puggle and I camped out in the Rogue. We fit perfectly side by side. I hung tapestry against the windows and placed my sun visor on the windshield. Puggle was panting a bit, so I worried she was too hot to sleep. I cracked each window and fully opened the panoramic sun roof. The temperature inside the SUV cooled and we both fell asleep among truckers idling at the rest stop. 



     The next morning, we continued driving 4 more hours to San Antonio. Aunt Marion looked like she was doing well and she was happy to see Puggle and I. We shared stories, laughs, and tears. 
Funny quotes from Aunt Marion: 

John: When is the last time you showered? 
Aunt Marion: You want to know a little secret? I can't remember.

Aunt Marion about my father: "Your dad is a good looking dude!"

"I am 100 years old. Who the hell cares!"

"Do you have a lady?  You need to have some dessert!"

"Being alive is not living. You got to live."

"My friends highjacked a truck. I brought home the best meat."

"I look like yesterday's washcloth."

Then the most magical thing happened. Aunt Marion’s granddaughter, Eve, invited me to stay at her house with her family and doggies. I hadn’t met any of these people before.  Eve and her husband, Mario made me feel at home and welcomed Puggle. Their oldest daughter, Bella, kindly gave up her bedroom, so I could sleep there. She adored Puggle and Puggle enjoyed the attention. Their Boerne house was beautiful and my favorite part was the doggie door. Genius! Every dog owner should have one. 
Bella and I at the River Walk

I ate the most delicious breakfast tacos at Mague’s Cafe, explored the river walk with Mario and Bella, stopped at The Alamo,  fell in love with a 150 year old oak tree, drank a delightfully spicy margarita, sampled wine at a tasting with Anthony and Pam’s friends, attended a father’s day dinner (best rice I’ve had in a long time), connected with cousins I didn’t even know existed, and best of all, spent time with Aunt Marion. She will be celebrating her 101st birthday this month and had the assistants at Sorrento and I cracking up. It is amazing how sharp she is at almost 101 year old. 

150 Year old Oak Tree next to The Alamo
     I brought a bottle of red wine with me that I planned to drink with her. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t happen, but I did get to tour the trailer where she lives with her son Richard. Richard and I had a lot in common starting with our love for the outdoors. I left the bottle of red wine at her home for her return. I tried to connect with as many cousins as possible via Facebook and am excited to make new connections.
Anthony, me, and Pam
     I could not have predicted how the San Antonio trip would turn out. It was even better than I expected. Aunt Marion's family showed me so much kindness. Before I left Texas to return to Colorado, she told me, "If I can handle hip surgery, you can too! Just being alive is not living. You've got to live!" I drove home with a new set of memories and knew I was ready to get this surgery over with, so I could recover and start living the life I moved to Colorado to live! I am so thankful to have had such a wonderful experience in Texas with family. Summer 2016 is off to a memorable start. 
Giani, Puggle, Bella, and Juliet
Mario, Giani, Bella, Me, Eve, and Juliet
  



Sunday, May 14, 2017

Lavender Bomb

Lavender Bomb
 Bathtub Thoughts


I did it. 
I FOUND this apartment. 
I WORKED for this apartment. 
I LIVED in this apartment. 
I FELT pain in this apartment. 
I LOVED in this apartment. 
I LAUGHED in this apartment. 
I COOKED in this apartment. 
I DRANK in this apartment. 
I BONDED in this apartment. 
I CRIED in this apartment. 
I WORRIED in this apartment. 
I ADMIRED in this apartment. 
I KEPT a journal in this apartment. 
I DREAMED in this apartment. 
I CONNECTED in this apartment. 
I ENTERTAINED in this apartment. 
I HAD FUN in this apartment. 
I WONDERED in this apartment.
I ENGAGED in good conversation in this apartment. 
I CREATED new friends in this apartment. 
I HID OUT in this apartment. 
I MISSED my family and friends in this apartment. 
I DISCOVERED in this apartment. 
I LET GO in this apartment. 
I am MOVING on from this apartment.

Monday, January 2, 2017

45 Lessons Learned in 2016

2016 Wasn't My Favorite Year...
but it was a year of new beginnings which resulted in a lot of lessons learned. I moved from my home state of NJ to CO. I miss my family and friends, but made 2 trips home to visit. I made a few great friends here in CO and look forward to exploring the west!

1. Cut the jalapeños last when using a cutting board for multiple vegetables.
2. Having a garage and backyard is the easy life. 
3. When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dreams. -The Alchemist
4. Get up early. Work out. Have a great day. 
5. When you're 40, looks fade, money means nothing, you have to love a person. 
6. Not all cider beers taste the same. I like the Doc's Draft Hard IPA.
7. I am not invincible. Crosswalks aren't always safe.
8. bread vs. toast...big difference in taste. Especially when you are expecting the crunch of toast when you bite into bread. 
9. 911 in Australia is 000.
10. Dust devils are a thing....my friends and I witnessed one form and then were chased by it. I had dirt in my teeth for the rest of the day. #EstesPark #COLife
11. Appreciate every single second you have with your grandparents. 
12. #51 from Things I've learned in 2016 was wrong. 
13. There is a free shuttle in Crested Butte, CO that takes you from the mountain into downtown...and it's FREE! Telluride offers free gondola rides into town. 
14. The best muffin I have ever had in my life was born in Crested Butte, CO at a bakery called Mountain Oven Organic Bakery. Order the Green Man zucchini muffin. 

15. Julie gives great relationship advice. Wow. Thank you, JULEH. 
16. I learned how to Mystery Skype and Mystery Skype Prank... haha 

17. I never realized what an important role pizza has played in my life until now. #COpizzafails. I have been in a serious relationship with pizza for the past 35 years. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. 
Joey D's Grandma Pie- Metuchen, NJ

18. Rick's Real BBQ Sauce (Winner of Frisco BBQ Challenge) is worth putting on your Christmas list. RicksRealBBQSauce.com
19. The Butterfly Bakery of VT makes Heady Topper hot sauce and it's damn good! Thank you, Sara! ButterflyBakeryVT.com
20. My friends...are people who I am very lucky to have met and I am happy and thankful to have them in my life. Thank you for helping me get through this crazy year. 
21. Passive aggressive people are both difficult to understand, predict, and be around. 
22. Avalanche Awareness class is a thing and I am considering taking a class. 
23. It's not a multiple-choice question Kelly; it's an open ended.
24. If it doesn't f-ing work, get rid of it. 
25. TCBY = The Country's Best Yogurt TCBY (Bobby B.)
26. Random Hairs can sometimes grow out of the side of your nose. ~CM
27. Marino Aoki: Urge to poop while in a bookstore
28. "Following your dreams is like learning a foreign language; you will make mistakes, but you will get there in the end." P.C. The Alchemist
29. Red Rocks plays movies in the summer. #MoviesOnTheRocks
30. Replace him with whom...thanks, Bond. 
31. Appreciate the little things your body can do: simply the ability to walk, bend down to pick something up, kiss a baby, sneeze and cough without pain, and laugh. 
32. One cannot always trust the opinions of fellow Yelpers #CO 
33. CO cares about the little things...like always making sure the windshield cleaning fluid is full and usable at gas stations.
34. Puggle added airplanes to her list of transportation methods. #travelingdog. She's the coolest. 
35. Del Taco exists in Colorado AND they offer turkey tacos! Yes, please. #BadVegetarian 
36. Those who volunteer live longer than those who don't.  2005 Stanford Study Thrive
37. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Thrive
38. We need to give ourselves permission for what makes us feel most alive. And when we are most alive, we are most compassionate and vice versa. Thrive
39. Arrogance is the camouflage of insecurity. 
40. Physical therapy works! The human body is amazing.
41. My sleep deprived sister is a superhero and her babies are cuter than yours. 

42. The musicians playing at the Honky Tonks of Nashville, don't get paid and rely on tips. They have real talent!
43. Visit Asheville, NC. Green Man Brewery (Coconutter Beer) and Funkatorium. Go hiking. Play in the wind. Great place. 
44. Don't take your 60 year old smoker of a father hiking on day two of his vacation at 10,000 ft. no matter how "easy" you think the hike is. 
45. Pizza dough tossing competitions exist. 

Happy New Year! 

Friday, December 30, 2016

Thank You for the Laughs- 2016 1st Annual Publishing of Kelly's Book of Funny Things

Laughing...one of my favorite activities. 
Most of you have witnessed me walking away from the group, typing feverishly on my iPhone in a fit of laughter. This is my  compilation of those small moments. Kelly's Book of Funny Things 2016 is brought to you by family, friends, and of course Evernote
Credit for the following lines goes to each one of the semi-anonymous folks responsible for entertaining me and making this post possible. 
Thank you and let's keep the laughing going. 


If you don't pay attention to me, I will stalk you.
B.B.


Wow. Barney the Dinosaur really fucked you up. 
? 1-6-16


You build your own paradox box.
I.M. 1-9-16

WWJD = What would Jasmine do? 

Do you love the smell of wet paper towels? If Bath and Body Works had a wet paper towel scent. I would spray it all day.


L.M. 1-14-16

They took out my ovaries and my uterus, but not my brain. 
P.S.  1-18-16

K to R.Z: Yikes! I wouldn't touch that toy. It's Puggle's lover.
R.Z. to K.M.: Oh! Wait, I've been her lover!
1-20-16


We are like Pretty Woman. We are going to come to town, jack it all up, and leave.
N.M. 1-22-16

K: You are so tall, Jeff. What is life like up there?
I am in the 5G zone. It's uncrowded. 
J.S. 

A: Are these dog treats?
N: It's only been snowing for 8 hours and we are already eating dog food. 
N.M. & A.M. 


This would be so much better if there was vodka. N.M.
Or Sean! E.S. 
1-23-16

Capturing a Scene: 
Anthony struts into the basement after we thought he Irish Goodbye-d us.
Singing, "Bitch better have my money!"


Okay. I have one secret talent. I can sing like Cher. Haha, but only when I am in my car.
N.A. 1-26-16

K: Lindsey why is your shirt so big?
L: It was a dollar.
1-26-16

Mushrooms give me gas so bad I evacuated the gift shop in Tijuana. They thought a sewer line broke.
A.M. 1-30-16

They asked Aunt Mary where she slept and she said,  "I sleep with him." 
Uncle Joe yelled, "No she doesn't. She's been gone for a month. She owes me a month of sex."
1-30-16
N.Z. Uncle Joe (age 90+)

I have too much fun on the weekends. I don't know what happens on Mondays.
I get to Thursday and I think "What the hell happened this week?"
E.N. 2-4-16

It is so cold in this house or at least in this room. I told dad I was going to wear sweatpants to Brooklyn's birthday party. He asked me if I could look presentable for once and I said, "OK. I'll wear my good sweatpants!"
L.M. 2-13-16

I like to watch shows with people trying to survive in the woods with only a condom.
2-16-16 ???

Heady Topper! Wait, I have to put a bra on for this! 
C.G. 2-18-16

I have another baby shower to go to. Should I just take a present and run? 

I love baby showers. I eat free food and get a little drunk. 

This is the best ab workout I've had in months! Where'd you get those abs? Baby shower!!!!
3-7-16
GBLT

Giraffe Bacon

You must come into all of our houses at night and steal our shit! 
(Mom while moving me out of Grandma's basement)
#Move14
4-5-16

Mom: Why do you have so many mason jars?
K: Because they're disposable. When I make something, I give it to my friends and let them keep it. 
Mom: Well, it doesn't look like you have many friends!
4-7-16

I've been breaking into this house for 60 years. 
N.M 4-8-16

I feel like I am a feelings machine.
E.M.  4-12-16

Playing Dr. Mario with you is like working in the ER. It's stressful! 
J.P. 4-11-16

Let's stop teaching and mess with as many people as possible.
C.G. 4-15-16



K I love leg wrestling
K.C. Don't you that called something else?
4-27-16

Isn't it crazy when you think about it? There's a 16-year-old high school student somewhere that's going to become very good friends with us in like 7 years. 
E.M.  4-28-16

Kelly: Look Jenny! A STEM position.
Jen: Wow! That didn't take long! So are you going to apply for the 5th grade position? 
Kelly: Probably, but think about how easy the Kindergarten job may be. 
Jen: You don't want that, do you? Are you going to have to change diapers? 
5-8-16

K: How about we stay at Nick and Liz's house for the night, go to Red Rocks now? Tomorrow, after looking in Thornton and Broomfield, we spend the night in Boulder. Then we can hang out in Boulder all day and find a cheap Airbnb to stay in?
M: How about we get a room at the Hampton Inn with king size beds?
5-13-16 Mom in Lakewood, CO

It's sad when you are out, but thinking about the frozen pizza in your refrigerator. 
K.C. 5-20-16

You're like the squirrel from Ice Age always looking for the nuts.
R.E.
Memorial Day Weekend 

You've never seen Star Wars! I just don't trust you. (Backs his chair away from the table)
N.C. 5-28-16

Hahahah! Excellent! Let me know! I definitely want to see you before you go become granola eating...non-shaven...home micro-brewing...lesbians.
L.P. 6-16-16 

So the Beaver Dam really is a beaver dam.
 ????  6-22-16

Jen after forgetting a few items at the grocery store.
"I'm going back to H Mart. There's no reason we shouldn't have the things that we want like Mochi and barbecue sauce."
7-4-16

Since I met you, I've been to J Crew once and my hiking gear has stepped up significantly. 
@Geneva CampGROUND.
J.P.

"I'm no Buddhist, but I honestly feel bad when I hurt a fly."
Nick (Due to the abundance of Nicks in my life, I am not sure who said this line.)7-15-16

Yoga on the rocks.
Alyssa M. "Is that a new drink?" 
7-27-16

Jax: Lol. I just rolled the vacuum out into the living room and Brooklyn goes, "Ah mommy you scared the crap outta me."

Kelly: How did you get b to wear underwear? 
Jackie: I stopped haunting her and I took piggy and put him in the animal jail and she kept going on the potty ever since. And I put her in pjs that Edd got her and told her if she peed in them he would be sad. 
8-17-16 

K: Jen be careful. You may get a huge splinter. Doesn't that hurt? 
J: Relax...it's fine. I think there is more danger in walking on the floorboards of your grandmother's living room. 
J.P. 9-3-16 

I can't believe we camped at 12,000 ft and woke up to cows.
J.P. 9-5-16

"When I move my head back and forth like this, it's as if my brain is staying still, but my skin is moving all around me."
"I inter-interpreted your title." (while playing Drawful)
"If one of you don't pee yourselves, I will."

"The iMessage that Rob sent me was so cute that I laid on your bathroom floor and I cried." 
"I tend to be funnier when my socks are wet."
L.M.
9-2016

9-22-16
"Brooklyn what do you want for breakfast?" 
"What mommy?" 
"What do you want for breakfast?" 
"What mommy?" 
We played three more rounds of that and then she goes, "Mommy, I can't understand you with that binky in your mouth!" 

11-7-16
Jackie: Brooklyn how can we block the corner of the tv stand so your brothers won't hit their heads...?  
Brooklyn: Mommy, hmmm maybe ..aaaa..oh! My fortress!!

11-24-16
What's your favorite part of the turkey?
Alyssa: The cheese!





Kelly: I am the messenger of the turkey skin.  #Meskinger    (I wondered whether or not to include myself in this book. I decided on yes because I did crack myself up.) 

"One time, I microwaved my underwear."
 M.B. 12-09-16

Sit and Spin has cankles. That's why she hates me! 
K.R. 12-16-16

My super power is origami. Fred 2.0.
J.D. 12-26-16 

I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink. 
J.A. 12-27-16

"You say food. I say when?" 
A.P. 12-29-16

My step father, Ed Bauer, has his own "Book of Funny Lines." However, I decided to share 2016 excerpts: 


Mya does not like folk music. 
3-7-16 (Mya is his 10 year old German Shepard.)

I'm in Burlington, VT, eating grasshoppers, drinking the best craft beer around...I think I'm a hippie. I can't believe it!!!
I'm buzzed. I'm going to a Bernie rally and I ate crickets. What says hippie more than that?   5-7-16
I set the world record for eating stuffed olives last night. 
5-13-16

Ya know what I want to do? I swear to God. I want a mohawk. 
10-7-16 E.B. 

When I was a child. I held a skunk. 
We are beer ambassadors and I enjoy that title.
I have 1,662 page views. I'm not bragging! 
I crashed into our garage door twice. #23CrownRdConfessions

Mom: Ed. Here. This goes in the China cabinet.
Ed: We have a China cabinet?
12-19-16




A special thanks to all of the comedians whose funny lines I had to leave out of this publishing because they involved "inappropriate for the internet" thoughts, ideas, and references.  Also, I didn't want to upset anyone. 



Sunday, December 27, 2015

Fifty-one Things I've Learned in 2015

1. I simply CANNOT use technology properly under the influence of alcohol. It is both puzzling and embarrassing at the same time.
2. When hanging out with heavy drinkers, always have an escape route that leads back to a comfortable bed, Japanese pillow, and a Puggle.
3. Poppycock is a snack and it is delicious.
4. There is a disheveled French man Named Jean Christophe cooking some of the best crepes I've ever had (besides in Paris) at William Barnacle Tavern near St. Mark's Place in NYC. #bretoncrepes
5. Turnips are supposed to be peeled.
6. Puggle does not like turnips.
7. I guess I have always known this, but felt it should be published this year. I thoroughly enjoy train rides. No driving required and plenty of time to read a book and look out the window.
8. Certain schools in Tenessee don't have snow days count against them because students and teachers communicate digitally to carry out lessons. #futuristic
9. It would benefit me to hang around more gay people.
10. Old people are very similar to children in their actions and words, but definitely not with their advice.
11. Vacationing alone is just like visiting the grocery store solo. -JP
12. Turning an old flower bed into a vegetable garden is fun, difficult, and back breaking.
13. I live in South Jersey...according to some North Jersey folk. "New Brunswick is south Jersey and Albany is Canada!"
14. Google Cloud printing is soooo easy to set up!
15. Tents come with LED lights and those lights have...wait for it...a dimmer!
16. Smoking causes strokes.
17. It's satisfying to eat ice cream after a hot day of hiking. And after you realized you didn't pack enough snacks or water for your hiking trip. Oops. #WaterfallLoopHikeOR
18. Power Tools enhance the pumpkin carving experience. -Fred
19. Cuddle Puddle
20. Ding Dong Ditch
21. It's a sports bra. #WhatIsThis?
22. Do not hold a glass of wine while watching Jen play Wii fit balance games.
23. Hunting season and hiking don't mix. #WearOrange
24. It's 2015, but you can still pocket dial someone with a smartphone. #Rose
25. There is a good chance my niece, Brooklyn, will drink red wine out of a Stanley mug in her 20s.
26. The first 7-9 seconds of a Dr. Mario game are the most critical. Act fast. Flip smart. Ensure victory.
27. Hello Kitty should be a style or a nickname for something that never goes out of style and remains consistent. Hello Kitty style.
28. Black garlic. Buy a lot. Put it in your salad. #HMart
29. Asking cashiers in Edison stores to change $100 in 20s to fives and singles is a great way to get people to think you are insane.
30. This one is 2nd hand...You become your best self when you are a parent. LD
31. When given the choice of people to hand off the video camera to, my dad is not your guy. However, when the garage door opener breaks, he is definitely your man.
32. Staple guns...yes! Fun to use and much easier than tape and nails.
33. The only time Ed cooks is when he makes pea soup.
34. This realization took place while acting as if it was not 4:37 in the morning on Christmas: The way I destress in the summer is by completely forgetting about time. Therefore, one way to destress, is to ignore time completely. You're welcome.
35. Gathering around a fire pit is a great setting for story telling.
36. Podcasts are one gateway into new experiences, perspectives, knowledge, and future conversational topics. I recommend TED Talk's: Quiet.
37. Everyone should eat at Pine State Biscuits at least once in their lifetime.
38. My mother has a strange need for placemats. "Everyday I need placemats. Every. Single. Day." -Mom 4-9-15

39. If the pollen in Atlanta doesn't kill you, the people will.
40. Well, Baby Jessica is one of my favorite conversational topics to randomly fall into.
41. Keep the Walkie Talkie ON.
42. If I tell you that I am out of food while hiking. It would be in your best interest to confiscate my pack and thoroughly search it yourself.
43. Portland is the weirdest place I have ever been.
44. Rich and Jasmine are invincible.
45. The family story about the weekly enemas my grandmother used to give her children is 100% true. While cleaning one of her closets this year, I found the enema kit, probe and all. 
"It's not mine." -Josephine age 94
46. It hurts to get tattooed on your spine. Fire. Fierce pain. OUCH!
47. There are tons of Moth performances in NYC. If you plan to attend, arrive early!
48. Taking the bus really isn't that difficult.
49. Geocaching is good, clean fun for the whole family! Thanks, Sara. 
50. INFJ = Me.
51. A perfect match for me has been hiding in North Jersey for 33 years. #foundher #thanksGappa&Tracy&Match


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Things I Learned in 2014

1. Dr. Mario brings out the worst in me. 
2. Heady Topper is a fun beer to find and even more fun to drink. 
3. The correct spelling is ulterior, not alterior. As in "ulterior motives"
4. Carolyn Gappa can pour, not one, but two glasses of wine with a reaching stick.
5. I have a deep love for brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts. Judge away...
6. Cheers in Dutch: skoll...sounds like skull
7. My father is the fastest snow plow driver on the East Coast. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/video/9836323-plows-out-in-force-in-nj/
8. Despite my disdain for accumulating "stuff." I have a lot of stuff. #movingday
9. Always bring a trail map and carry your own water while hiking.
10. The Grand Canyon is the only place where I have experienced a 100 degree hair dryer while shivering with borderline hypothermia. 
11. Sedona, Arizona = tranquility
12. Austin, Texas is a little blue dot in the middle of a giant red state. 
13. A selfish person lacks empathy and therefore doesn't have the ability to see anything from another's point of view. Don't fight these people or try to change them.  Avoid them. They will suck all the kindness and positivity from you with a selfish straw. 
14. The best way to spend Easter is in the Adirondacks. 
15. The best way to spend the Fourth of July is in the Grand Canyon. 
16. A frownie is a thing. Check it out: www.frownies.com
17. When attending concerts or other crowded events supplying portable toilets, always get in the bathroom line with the most dudes.
18. Always shuck corn OUTSIDE. 🌽 #hairymess
19. You can watch the lighting of the Empire State Building in order to check status of a local football game 
20. Life can't be all work and no play. Thanks, Jim. 
21. The Earth Speaks
22. Vishnu Schist is the oldest rock on Earth.
23. There aren't many things in life that show their finality. Death is one of them. -Ed
24. I love jazz. #showerdanceparties
25. Most of the pictures I have posted of myself on Facebook are ridiculous. 
26. Never input the addressees for an e-mail you plan to start and then draft for later. Leave it blank in case you accidentally send the e-mail and sound like an idiot to your readers. 
27. Even Super Heroes get sore muscles  from working out. 
28. John Oliver and John Stewart...hilarious! 
29. BBCC (boil, blanche, cut, cook) vegetables
30. Wear gloves when dicing beets. 
31. Pumpkin is tasty. 
32. Holiday shopping is ridiculous. I will not be participating in any sort of gift exchange next year. 
33. I want to be friends with Amy Poehler. 
34. You have to make moves and sacrifices to ultimately get what you desire. I am a few steps closer to leaving NJ. 
35. My close friends, Puggle, and people over 90 are very accepting. 
36. I have been working hard at the wrong job. My focus is shifting to working on me, not how much money I can make. Better food, regular yoga, more laughing, and in the words of Amy Poehler, indulge myself in "a major case of the fuckits."