Things I've Learned in 2013

1. I DO spit on the mirror! I had no idea.

2. Peeing in the snow while hiking is much more fun than peeing in the dirt while hiking. There's no splashing and you can plug the little hole your pee stream melted with your tp. Place a little snow on top and finito! Fun. 

3. Thailand is called the Land of Smiles

4. Bathrooms in Thailand usually don't provide soap, toilet paper, or running water.

5. To flush a non flushing toilet, simply pour a bucket of water directly into the bowl and watch the contents be forced down the pipes.

6. There have been tons of radioactive water spilling into the Pacific Ocean since March of 2011.

7. Bandanna has a double n. (Thanks Jess.) 

8. Yoga is great in so many ways and I am an idiot for not trying it earlier in my life. 

9. A 5th grader taught me how to ask, "What is your name?" In Hindi

10. I can say thank you and hello in Thai. 

11. Matt and Julie have seen every funny YouTube video. 

12. How to flip my classroom successfully.

13. How light painting with my Cannon works

14. Willow Rd. In Somerset has more wildlife than Acadia National Park

15. I know what the fox says. 

16. The Lost Boys from Peter Pan live on the island of Koh Phi Phi, Thailand. I found them. 

17. Scorpions taste like plastic bacon.

18. The stench of durian fruit is unforgettable and nauseating. 

19. When presented with the option to either rent a moped or rent a quad while vacationing in a foreign country, choose a quad. Always. 

20. Zip lining is thrilling. 

21. I like quail eggs

22. I can run a half marathon in less than 2 and a half hours. However, the act of walking the next day is quite a challenge. 

23. Cross country skiing is hard for me and I spent a lot of time on my ass. 

24. Coca Cola and a veggie sandwich make a significant difference when you have a case of Bangkok Belly. 

25. It takes Jorj and I 13 minutes to pitch my tent. It probably would have taken less time if I accepted his help offer sooner. 

26. I was not cut out for horseback riding. #DangHorse

27. Bathing in the Gulf of Thailand with a bar of soap results in a cleaner feeling than showering in Bottle Beach 2 Resort's shower. Maybe it was the brown water...#KohPanang

28. Always check the course elevation when deciding which half marathon to run. 

29. I keep the following items in all of my bags, backpacks, and purses: Chapstick, gum, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, a pen, matches, and a tampon.

30. Life is a chess game.

31. My chess game could use some improvement. 

32. Leaning into turns helps my snowboarding skills. 

33. I lived under a rock until I was 22.

Rent a Quad...Always

Motorbike take 1 Friday, July 19th
Koh Tao, Thailand

Marisa and I started our day with a Kashi bar and some peanut butter to prepare for a run. We hadn't been exercising much since we were trying to survive in Thailand and were very excited to lace up our running sneakers and hit the island roads. We mapped out a course and told Dickie and Jasmine, we'd meet them in the hotel lobby after around 10:15.
We stuck to the main road and which turned out to be infested with hills. These hills felt like the Palisades half marathon all over again except in the jungle and on an island, I thought to myself. Despite the hilly terrain and thick air, it felt great to be running again. We spotted a yoga studio, checked the schedule, and decided to take a 2-hour class tomorrow. After about 15 minutes, we started to take walking breaks. Marisa had a cramp and I welcomed the chance to slow my pace to a brisk walk. To the left, you could see the ocean through the bungalows scattered about and to the right were homes of the local Thai people, businesses, and piles of garbage. One particular location was a heap of cans and bottles which I coined the recycling center even though I was positive the trash had been sitting there for a really long time.

As we moved along, we spotted a pumpless "gas station" which was shelves sitting near the road holding glass bottles filled with gasoline. The Thai are very simple people.


Once 20 minutes had passed we approached the part of the road where garbage dumps seemed to line either side of the road and it smelled a little like Bangkok, so we decided to turn around. We continued to run/walk back to our hotel, sweat soaking our shirts. l looked forward to a shower.

Dickie and Jasmine had already rented a scooter to explore other parts of the island including Tanote Bay, who my friend Patty recommended for cliff jumping. Marisa agreed to drive the scooter since I was terrified of being on a motorbike and especially terrified of being the driver of one. Thailand is like England where they drive on the opposite side of the road than us.

From the hotel, Jasmine and I walked the beach route while Dickie and Marisa rode the motorbike to the rental shop. My hands were shaking and I felt jittery from the workout and lack of food in my stomach. The 1/2 Kashi bar and 1/2 pod of Jiff had expired long ago and I needed calories, immediately! Across from the rental shop was a small stand outside of a 7 11 where a woman was selling pancakes (crepes) and sandwiches. The egg and cheese caught my eye and Jasmine and I ordered 2. I was super excited to eat!
CRASH! "Ooohh!" a chorus of Thai taxi drivers and tourists sang out. They were all staring uphill toward the street. Jasmine and I turned our heads and saw a girl in the middle of the road pulling a twisted motorbike off the ground. As I  looked more closely, I recognized the light blue shorts. "Oh-no! It's Marisa!" we chanted in unison. I mashed my money into Jasmine's hand and quickly scurried up the hill knowing that I should be heading in the opposite direction toward the 7 11 for medical supplies. I had seen pretty bad scratches on her knees and could only imagine what other injuries had occurred. When I finally reached Marisa and Rich, she was bleeding from the knees and I asked if she was okay.
She seemed to be a little shaken up, so I went back down the hill determined to try my best at identifying medical supplies in the convenience store as fast as possible. Every bottle and box was labeled in Thai! Uh-oh. A large bottle of water, band-aids, gauze wrap, tape, and alcohol were the items I scrounged up.
Marisa was standing opposite the desk of the store owner with a waterfall of blood dripping down one leg into her Birkenstocks and a very serious look on her face. My first thought was to whip out my Canon and take a photo, but I thought she might punch me. Instead, I knelt down & decided to take out the items I picked up. "He's going to charge me a lot of money," Marisa claimed regretfully. She had tried to start the bike on a hill and turn in the opposite direction at the same time. Oops.

Marisa's knee days later... 

For the next ten minutes, Rich helped Marisa talk the owner down from 8,700 Baht to about 6,000 Baht ($180) as payment for damages and she cleaned out her cuts. 
We rented a quad instead and I drove it behind Rich and Jasmine on a scooter to Tanote Bay.
The very next day, on their last jaunt before returning their motorbike, Rich and Jasmine crashed their motorbike as well. Jasmine's foot folded up like a taco and Rich's knees and feet were scraped up. 

Jasmine's Dead Foot
  

Koh Tao took their money, skin, and the Mosquitoes feasted on all of us. We all escaped with our lives and looked forward to accident-free adventures in Koh Phangan.

Lesson learned: rent a quad...always.

Tiger Temple Torture...Thai Style

Day 3 in Krabi, Thailand
Friday, July 26th
Tiger Temple

The Entrance To Tiger Temple
Krabi, Thailand

I am writing this story while fighting the urge to wretch all over my new iPhone 5. When the horseback riding trip was over, our driver piled us into a van to take part in the next excursion of our package, Tiger Temple. We all agreed that we'd stop for a bite to eat before climbing the 1,237 steps to the top of the temple. Our good ole driver referred us to a vendor just outside the temple which was strangely absent of tourists besides us. The eatery looked like an abandoned carnival. A woman gave us menus and we ordered. Jasmine warned us that the sanitary conditions were way under par so she had the woman make her fresh eggs and white rice. Despite this advice, Rich, Marisa and I ordered Pad Thai, Rice with Vegetables and some kind of spicy chicken on the bone with bananas for Rich. (I could vomit just thinking about these dishes). Rich abandoned his meal claiming that it was too spicy, so Marisa and I sampled some. It had some heat in it and the flavor complemented our meals, so we took spoonful after spoonful of it. I definitely took the most. Big mistake. We drank water which came in a bottle similar to the one you would find rubbing alcohol, except this one, was round. After paying for our super cheap and soon to be a disastrous meal, we proceeded to the staircase of Tiger Temple. We somehow lost Rich and Jasmine and guessed it was the troupe of monkeys that caught their eye on the way over. We were also thinking that we might as well start climbing because with Jasmine's dead foot and Rich's low hemoglobin level, they probably won't make it to the top. Marisa and I started the steep climb. Some staircases were steeper than others and the banisters served as step counters from one staircase to the next which I liked. After about 600 steps, I realized that people on their way down were not rude, they just don't follow "stay to the right rule." In fact, I was the rude one, because here in Asia, the rule is "stay to the left." Duh! We continued to climb with a few breaks in between staircases. We passed a Canadian woman who told us that we should attack the steps at a slower speed. We quickly ignored her advice and resumed our climb. I dropped behind Marisa (as usual) and she made it to the top a few minutes before me. The view was spectacular! The giant golden Buddha shining in the sun was gazing out at the flat green land below. Behind the Buddha, was a beautiful array of green mountains. We took photos, enjoyed the view, and started to make our way down.  About three steps down, I recognized someone. "No way!" I shouted. It was Rich in his white t-shirt with a sweaty towel draped around his neck. "I didn't think you were going to make it, Rich! Wow. Nicely done!" I exclaimed. I couldn't believe how wrong I was about his ability to climb. "Jasmine is right behind me. She is throwing up to make herself lighter so its easier to climb." Rich explained. I wondered if he was kidding. As he finished speaking, Jasmine threw herself over the nearest railing and began vomiting.  Oh man, I thought. He wasn't kidding.  

Notice Jasmine and her dead foot at the bottom of the steps.

I headed back up to take photos for them since they were lacking a camera. Jasmine threw up some more and Rich cracked some jokes about serving her plates of sausage that have been sitting in the sun for weeks. 

This photo captures the reaction to Rich's plate of sausage joke. 

 Marisa and I laughed, not knowing that the poison was flowing through us too.
On the way down, Rich and I fed the monkeys some bananas and took photos. It was scary, but fun. Covered in sweat, we reached our driver who loaded us into his van and brought us to the last leg of our tour, The Night Market.
Jasmine began to whimper with nausea, but she didn't want to skip the night market. "I pick you up 9:30 there," our driver told us as be pointed to a sign that read Winner. I was thinking 3 hours at a night market is a long time for a person who doesn't like to shop. Plus, Jasmine was 't feeling well, so we should have asked for an earlier pick up, but nobody spoke up.
The night market was situated on a long street lined with vendors selling food, clothing, drinks, weapons, and jewelry. For Jasmine, the scents of grilled meats mixed with spice was too powerful for her to take in her condition and she vomited through her fingers in a corner while Marisa, Rich and I sampled some of the street food. We tried grilled octopus, vegetable spring rolls (made right before our eyes), grapes, and quail eggs.      Each taste was great except for the octopus because it was cold and chewy. Blah. We made our way down the right side of the street, around a bend and back down the left side of the street. That's when we decided it was time to get our own transportation back to Ao Nang because our driver would 't be back for another 2 and a half hours. We found Jasmine laying on a bench across the street wearing a tie died I love Krabi tank top holding her stomach.

Rich and I spoke to a cab driver (which is really a Thai dude with a pickup truck who piles people into its canopied bed) who said it would be 300 Baht each to drive us. We rounded everyone up, piled into the truck taxi and Jasmine folded herself into Rich, clearly ill. With exhaust fumes filling my nostrils, I was amazed that Jasmine didn't vomit all over the 3 of us and 4 other tourists who hopped on for a ride.
Upon our return to Vasana Bungalows, Rich, Marisa, and I showered, dressed our wounds from the past few days, and asked the couple who owned the joint for dinner advice.  
They suggested an Italian restaurant not far down the main road. Since Rich was still recovering from his horseback ass chaffing, he ordered a tuk-tuk.
This was our first ride in a side saddle tuk-tuk and we sat trying to keep our dresses from flying up as our driver asked if we wanted him to take us to Koh Pangan or if Rich wanted to sit with him in the driver's seat. He was quite a character.
 La Casa's dinner of wine, pizza, bread, and salad was pleasant. Next, we went for a walk down a street where Rich and Jasmine had partied with ladyboys a few nights ago. One ladyboy remembered him so he bought her a shot of tequila and asked her to climb the pole.  

Pole Climbing Ladyboy

She agreed and her/his swift climb was quite impressive. I ordered a Chang, Rich ordered a Jack and Coke and I beat him at connect 4 which was lying on our table. I felt too full to drink the Chang so I took super small sips and then eventually gave it to Rich. We left, walked back to our bungalow, and went to sleep hoping Jasmine was doing better.
At about 2am, I woke up to use the toilet, felt my way through the mosquito net, and realized that I didn't feel right. When I opened the door to exit the bathroom, Marisa was approaching with a concerned look on her face. "I feel sick," she stated as she closed the bathroom door. "Me too," I muttered as I realized we both probably had what Jasmine had. I also realized something else. I was about to projectile vomit and Marisa was in the bathroom already throwing her guts up. $!#*, I thought. Outside. Mosquitoes. Towel. Faster. Go.
I perched myself on the porch's bench, wrapped the white towel around myself, leaned over the back of the bench and let the spicy Thai lunch, street food samples and Italian dinner with wine loose. This continued for about 10 minutes before I went inside hoping it was over. I was so wrong. How could I be so stupid to eat at the shady looking Tiger Temple especially after Jasmine's warning? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I knew that was the meal that did us in and it must have hit Jasmine faster than us. She had a much more mild case, but Marisa and I definitely had a severe case of food poisoning.
Throughout the rest of the night, I continued to vomit in the toilet, checking on my way out of the maze of a mosquito net to make sure Marisa didn't vomit in her sleep because she wasn't getting up anymore.  I switched back and forth between chills and sweating so profusely that my entire chest and face were covered in beads of sweat. Why did I drink that last glass of wine? Why did I take spoonful after spoonful of that wretched food? I stated at my pathetic self in the mirror, rinsed my mouth and face and wondered if I should bother going back to bed. I knew I'd be back soon. If I were home, I would have just laid down on the floor. Puggle would have cuddled with me and I wouldn't be afraid of the blood-red centipede I kept spotting on the bathroom wall, crawling on my toes while I heave into the bowl. Thankfully, I was not at our beach bungalow in Koh Phangan. The bathroom situation there was a nightmare. This was not great but could be so, so much better.
After a night I thought it would never end, I finally stopped vomiting and got some sleep. We spent the entire day in bungalow 1.

I was still nauseous and Rich went to 7 11 to pick up some supplies. He returned with the following items: baby wipes, bananas, a novel (written in Thai), 4 bottles of Gatorade, dog food, maxi pads, face masks, and a loaf of bread. Interesting choices, but he was our hero. 
 

Dang Horse

Day 3 in Krabi, Thailand
Friday, July 26th

"Great! I'll be ready in 5 minutes!" I exclaimed to Rich as I ran toward my jungle bungalow to quickly change into my running gear. He agreed to wait for me so I could join him for a morning run through the streets of Ao-Nang Beach in Krabi. 
The sun was strong and the skies were blue. I thought about how peaceful the morning was in this town where just 3 days ago a man from Texas got stabbed to death by 3 Thai musicians using sharpened metal poles. The beautiful limestone stacks to left and beach ahead combined with my runner's high and I had the feeling it was going to be a great day. 
Vasana, (who was the wonderful bungalow owner, chef, maid, and bookkeeper) told us that our taxi would be here soon to bring us to the 1st of our 3 excursions today: horseback riding. 

What this photo lacks in quality, it makes up for in truth! 

After getting in the bed of a pickup truck, our driver, a Thai dude who smelled like he just finished a date with the reefer, asked about our experience with horses. Most of us, including the 2 Swedish girls on board, were beginners. We arrived on the horse ranch about 20 minutes away. I mounted the brown and white horse and after a few tips spoken in broken English, we all took off through the horse ranch toward the beach. The tide was extremely high and already I could tell that my horse did not like the water. I could feel her hooves sinking in the sand and also could tell she was struggling to pull her legs out and move forward. Trying to keep my sneakers dry lasted about 5 seconds. We are really deep. This is not safe! I felt like I was on the back of Artex from The Never Ending Story and we were sinking into the Swamp of Sadness together. However, I wasn't sad. I was SCARED! What if I fell of the horse and my foot got stuck in the stirrup? The Dang horse would unknowingly drag me along until and even after I drown. Fearing my Cannon would get wet or fall in the water,  I swiftly spun my backpack to the front and shoved my camera inside.

I pulled the reigns in the direction I wanted my horse to go despite the rushing waves and hesitantly, she obliged.  Upon our exit from the beach area, we took the paved road for a bit until we reached the forest. Rubber trees colonized both sides of the road and I noticed tiny bowls suspended from each tree trunk collecting rubber. Cool. My horse kept bowing her head and I noticed its front legs were wrapped and she was sweating. At this point, I realized that something was off with my horse, and concluded she was a rebel and most likely hated me. If someone magically rolled up in a golf cart and asked if I wanted a lift back to our jungle bungalow, I would have been seated next to that driver before they finished their question. Maybe I should get off and walk this dumb horse. 
Earlier, Jasmine was the only one in our party who said she was somewhat experienced with horse back riding. Because of this, she grabbed a stick and started whacking her horse in the ass when she wanted to move faster. She was having a great time. With that being said, whenever her horse would take off running, SO WOULD MINE AND ABOUT 4 OTHERS including Marisa's. My horse, Dang,  wouldn't listen when I pulled on the reigns or when I demanded, "Walk!" At one point, Jasmine got so far ahead of our group that we saw her horse leap over a small stream in the distance. When the horse leaned back to begin his jump, she hung off the back of the horse as if she was starring as a princess in a Disney movie. Amazingly, Princess Jasmine not fall off her horse. 

Dang Horse

Dang (maybe named after Dang Fever? Does this horse HAVE Dang Fever?) continued trotting and galloping at will until we reached the break point. When I dismounted, I saw a great photo opportunity and swung my yellow backpack bag around to retrieve my Cannon.  To my dismay, my backpack was open and the camera was missing! "My camera fell out of my backpack!"  was all I could muster. In my deep water panic, I must not have zipped my pack all the way. Shocked and extremely worried, I asked the Thai man who had been tailing us on the moped to search for the camera. He easily accepted the task and I feared the worst. My camera was knocked out of my bag, off a horse, onto the ground and was lying in the middle of the jungle somewhere. The SD card inside contained pictures from Bangkok, Koh Tao, and Railay. I tried to mentally part with them and thought about the pictures that I had taken with my iPhone which was still safely tucked inside my pack. At the same time, I noticed Marisa's leg burns and immediately the burns on my inner calves began to flare up as well. We were idiots to wear shorts and were gripping the leather saddle's fender super tight! Thankfully, Rich loaned her pants and I stepped into my shorts extensions forgoing the opportunity to clean the horse hair out of my sizzling wounds. I just want to get this over with!  After what seemed like 20 minutes, but was only 5, the Thai man on his motorbike rode toward me with my amazingly undamaged $1,000 camera. Phew!
On the return trip, Rich fell off his horse gracefully after his backpack got stuck on a low tree branch and landed in an upright position on the beach. He followed his horse back on foot. Our guide fell off his horse as well and landed in the water.
The tide was low once we reached the beach. Thank God! However, selfish little Dang decided she was only going to leave room for herself to walk under the tree branches. I leaned forward, rested my head next to the horn of her saddle, and held on so tight you couldn't see daylight between the me and that horse. Just when I thought I was coming back with only a few minor leather burns (The running joke so far on the trip was that Kelly was the only person without an injury.) the loop of my backpack got stuck on a tree branch and launched me backward so I was now laying on my back. I wiggled free and sat up just in time to get bashed in the head with a thick tree branch. Of course Dang did not slow down one bit and probably wanted to get this stupid American tourist off her back as fast as possible. That branch hit me so hard that my gray bandanna fell off my head and onto the sand behind me. The swift little Thai man taking photos retrieved it and made sure I was okay. I was livid. 
The route through the ocean was unsafe and stupid. The waves crashed against the poor horses and our sneakers got soaked. With a chunk of ice on my head fastened down by my bandanna and my calves on fire I thought horseback riding sucks! 
Later, Rich and Jasmine had such terrible chaffing on their butt cheeks, that they had to take a trip to the medic to get themselves cleaned and bandaged.
We all had burns from the leather saddle on our inner calves and Marisa had them on her inner thighs as well. Ouch! My injury free days in Thailand were over
If all that pain wasn't bad enough...next we went to Tiger Temple.

After visiting the medic to dress Rich's and her own wounds, Jasmine cleans and bandages Marisa's Thai-style horseback riding battle scars.  

TAKEN to Khao San Road

July 13, 2013
Marisa and I were delirious as we walked away from immigration kiosks in Suvarnabhumi Airport and began hunting for a taxi to take us to our hotel in Bangkok. It was 3 o'clock in the morning and we had been traveling for over 22 hours.The Juke ride with Jorj from Edison to Newark airport seemed like days ago. The immigration line took over an hour to get through and everything was very new and confusing. 
We got a small taste of culture shock as being the only 2 Americans on an airplane filled with Asian people. During our layover in Shanghai, China, we spent 35 Yen on 2 cups of coffee and definitely got the vibe that the barista working there hated American tourists just like the China Eastern Airlines flight attendants we had just experienced. We estimated that 35 Yen converts to about $18, and after having a difficult time attempting to place our order to the woman, we almost aborted Mission: Get Caffeine. The $9 cup of coffee was delicious. (We were totally wrong about the conversion, we'd find out later. The coffees totaled $5.75. Ha ha.) 
We headed toward what we hoped were exit signs to flag a taxi diver. However, instead of us doing the flagging, a young Thai woman in a business suit flashed her badge as she flagged us down, asking, "Do you need a taxi? I work for the airport." She read our reservation confirmation for the Rikka Inn and in what seemed like 3 seconds, we had agreed to her price and were tossing our 45L backpacks into the trunk of her unmarked, white Toyota while exchanging skeptical glances. 
The scent of incense inside her very clean car was as powerful as the fear growing inside of us. We had an overwhelming feeling that we had made a very bad decision. To make matters worse, our driver who may either work for the airport for the sex trade made a phone call as soon as she got in the driver's seat. Instantly, I recalled the Paris airport scene from the movie Taken where the 2 dumb American girls agree to share a taxi with a cute French boy. He made a phone call to the Albanians and I was convinced that she was placing a call to the Albanians who run the Thai sex trade. I also wondered how my father, who has never been out of the US, would come and rescue Kimmy, I mean Marisa and I. 
As the woman spoke in Thai, I tried to think of a way to tell Marisa how I was feeling about this 45 minute cab ride without letting our driver hear us. Until I thought to use the Notes App on my iPhone, we had only been communicating through apprehensive expressions. 

K: Do you think we are being sold into the sex trade?

M: Too soon to say. But i can easily choke this bitch

K: She may have ninja skills. Watch your hair. My samurai sword is under my seat. I've got your back.

M: No company on car is a bit disheartening


At this point, Marisa was showering our driver with questions. We realized her English was not very good. Our initial panic decreased but was definitely still present.

M: Well this is going swimmingly

K: 35 min to go...this scent is very strong

M: Jesus Christ I know.

K: Meant to calm us down...maybe. "We'll meet people ..." 

M: Dude no ideA

K: Should we say we are hungry? To stop and leave us at a Burger King or something and then let them call a cab?

M: Is that what you want to do?

K: How do you feel? If we survive this...I may throw up and shit myself at the same time. Actually, I feel that way right now. No more unmarked cars for us.

M: Yeah. It was a rash decision. My fault.

K: No way...I agreed


It turned out that our driver used her own car to transport people to and from the airport as a second job, hence the Hello Kitty sitting on her dashboard. Forty minutes and 800 baht later, we arrived at one end of Khao San Road at 4am at the peak of the debauchery. 
Four o'clock in the morning in the "Backpacker Ghetto" of Bangkok felt like we arrived late to a party and were the only sober people there. Khao San Road was hot, loud, stinky, and filled with backpackers, vendors, tuk-tuks, taxis, and random people. Our driver, we never called the Albanians, told us that the Rikka Inn was a five-minute walk down the road. However, after 5 minutes, we arrived at the opposite end of the road and had no idea who to ask for help. There weren't any police officers and I didn't give myself enough time to learn how to ask for directions in Thai. We cautiously gripped our backpacks and "frontpacks" and made sure we observed our surroundings carefully, I felt like I was drowning in the chaos. We backtracked to continue our hotel search after consulting 2 intoxicated and very unhelpful English guys. Marisa approached a cute little lady behind a fruit stand and asked for help. She pointed to a woman on a moped who guided us in the right direction. Phew! 
With our moped escort, I finally spotted the rectangular, white sign displaying Rikka Inn. We continued to avoid street vendors and drunks until we reached the entrance. 
After over 24 hours of traveling, much confusion, unidentifiable Asian airplane food, a potential sex trade encounter cab ride, and the chaos that is Khao San Road, we finally unlocked the door to our room on the 4th floor. I dropped my pack, threw myself onto the bed, and let out a long sigh of relief because we didn't get taken and thought, we are in Thailand! 


Khao San Road Video Clip

We Should Have Taken A Greyhound

July 2000
Journal Entry

Miragliotta party of 5 departed 74 Redwood St. in a black limousine. So basically, our trip started off perfectly. Even I was ready to leave on time. We arrived at Newark Liberty International Airport within 45 minutes. We checked our bags, got something gross to eat, and heard an announcement informing us that our 2:30 flight had been delayed until 4:00. Okay, fine. An hour and a half was not that bad.
We continued to sit in the waiting area where we wrote song parodies, played cards and walked to the bathroom about 20 times (we drank a lot of water). As we kept ourselves occupied in Newark Airport, we kept hearing cancellation after cancellation of flights because of bad weather. Naturally, our delay was extended from 4 pm to 7:30 pm. Okay, now my mother is heated, so a Delta man gave her some food vouchers to cheer her up (it worked).
We got hungry again so we walked over to none other than one of the finest of restaurants...Burger King. My lovely mother rushed us through our meal, but I still managed to get my vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles.
Upon our return to the very uncomfortable Delta waiting area, we found out that the flight is now delayed until 9:05 pm. Now we are happy that we will still be leaving tonight.
Okay, so on with the trauma...as if this last delay wasn't enough, the airplane is here now, but to our surprise, they say it is "broken." At this point, we all resemble fire breathing dragons because they just announced our flight is canceled.
Lindsey is clueless and is getting more and more talkative which means she is getting more and more annoying. Every person in this waiting area just bugged out at the same exact time. Since I always try to stay positive, I found this rather funny. After my "non-frantic" mother waited in line for 45 minutes to book a new flight, the lady helping the long line had to go home. :o(
Let's analyze this situation. Jackie is going through withdrawal from not seeing Gordy is almost 12 hours, Mom is hysterical because she fears we will miss the cruise, Dad wants to kill every person on the planet (there is a good chance we are included), Lindsey is now crying and beyond annoying and I am having a great time observing it all.
About 20 minutes have gone by and our family now possesses $500 in airfare money, $50 in food vouchers, and a flight booked for 8:00 in the morning. Basically, this means we are sleeping at Newark Airport. I am contemplating suicide using this pen because Lindsey decided to sit next to me.
We are now in a corner laying down on not one, but eleven suitcases. There is a hanger poking me in the back and a toothbrush digging into my leg, but I am okay...really. Lindsey just asked an intelligent question that I thought I might share: "Why are we at the airport?"
After countless hours of tossing and turning on our queen-sized array of suitcases, Lindsey woke up...screaming. She woke up just about everyone in the airport. After she fell back to sleep, I couldn't. Awesome.
Soon after, it was 6:00 am and we went to check our bags again. This time we were flight 2311 instead of 2347. On the menu for our free breakfast was...you guessed it! Burger King! We pretty much "bought" the entire line breakfast in order to use the voucher in its entirety. While dining on greasy hashbrowns, I saw a friend of mine, Sal the Ray Catena guy who was one of my regulars from Applebee's, sitting near us. He was going to Cancun. It must be nice to come to the airport and actually leave on time.
Now we are back at the luxurious Delta airline waiting area, near gate 45. It is now 6:15am.
After a turbulent plane ride (which I pretty much slept through), we finally landed in Florida where it was pouring rain. We found Grandpa Pickles as soon as we got off the plane and he told us, "Your silly asses should have taken a Greyhound."